Moments...

WORLD DAY OF THE SICK

2012-02-11T11:05:00.000+08:00

I was putting on my ointments today after my daily soak and sunbathe since Feb. 1 and realized ( and grateful at that) that I have been clear for some days now.

Psoriasis have been a major part of my life since 2005 and have shaped many of my decisions, inspired a lot of intentions and made me realize (over and over again!) that God is mightier than I will ever come to fully grasp. Surviving every bout with Psoriasis have always been a result of accidental grace in many forms. In the midst of all those are prayers, love from people around me and that call to be the leper that came back.

Thank you LORD!

LETTER OF THE HOLY FATHER, POPE JOHN PAUL II,

FOR THE FIRST ANNUAL WORLD DAY OF THE SICK

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

1. The Christian community has always paid particular attention to the sick and the world of suffering in its multiple manifestations. In the wake of such a long tradition, the universal Church, with a renewed spirit of service, is preparing to celebrate the first World Day of the Sick as a special occasion for growth, with an attitude of listening, reflection, and effective commitment in the face of the great mystery of pain and illness. This day, which, beginning in February 1993, will be celebrated every year on the commemoration of Our Lady of Lourdes, for all believers seeks to be "a special time of prayer and sharing, of offering one's suffering for the good of the Church and of reminding everyone to see in his sick brother or sister the face of Christ who, by suffering, dying and rising, achieved the salvation of mankind" (Letter Instituting the World Day of the Sick, 13 May 1992, n. 3).

The day seeks, moreover, to involve all people of good will. Indeed, the basic questions posed by the reality of suffering and the appeal to bring both physical and spiritual relief to the sick do not concern believers alone, but challenge all mankind, marked by the limitations of the mortal condition.

2. Unfortunately, we are preparing to celebrate this first World Day in circumstances which are in some respects dramatic: the events of these months, while bringing out the urgency of prayer to entreat divine aid, recall us to the duty of implementing new and swift measures to assist those who suffer and cannot wait.

The sick and suffering are before our eyes

Before the eyes of all are the very sad images of individuals and whole peoples who, lacerated by war and conflicts, succumb under the weight of easily avoidable calamities. How can we turn our gaze from the imploring faces of so many human beings, especially children, reduced to a shell of their former selves by hardships of every kind in which they are caught up against their will because of selfishness and violence? And how can we forget all those who at health-care facilities — hospitals, clinics, leprosariums, centres for the disabled, nursing homes — or in their own dwellings undergo the calvary of sufferings which are often neglected, not always suitably relieved, and sometimes even aggravated by a lack of adequate support?

3. Illness, which in everyday experience is perceived as a frustration of the natural life force, for believers becomes an appeal to "read" the new, difficult situation in the perspective which is proper to faith. Outside of faith, moreover, how can we discover in the moment of trial the constructive contribution of pain? How can we give meaning and value to the anguish, unease, and physical and psychic ills accompanying our mortal condition? What justification can we find for the decline of old age and the final goal of death, which, in spite of all scientific and technological progress, inexorably remain?

Yes, only in Christ, the incarnate Word, Redeemer of mankind and victor over death, is it possible to find satisfactory answers to such fundamental questions.

In the light of Christ's death and resurrection illness no longer appears as an exclusively negative event; rather, it is seen as a "visit by God", an opportunity "to release love, in order to give birth to works of love towards neighbour, in order to transform the whole of human civilization into a civilization of love" (Apostolic Letter Salvifici doloris, n. 30).

The history of the Church and of Christian spirituality offers very broad testimony of this. Over the centuries shining pages have been written of heroism in suffering accepted and offered in union with Christ. And no less marvellous pages have been traced out through humble service to the poor and the sick, in whose tormented flesh the presence of the poor, crucified Christ has been recognized.

4. The World Day of the Sick — in its preparation, realization and objectives — is not meant to be reduced to a mere external display centring on certain initiatives, however praiseworthy they may be, but is intended to reach consciences to make them aware of the valuable contribution which human and Christian service to those suffering makes to better understanding among people and, consequently, to building real peace.

Indeed, peace presupposes, as its preliminary condition, that special attention be reserved for the suffering and the sick by public authorities, national and international organizations, and every person of good will. This is valid, first of all, for developing countries — in Latin America, Africa and Asia — which are marked by serious deficiencies in health care. With the celebration of the World Day of the Sick, the Church is promoting a renewed commitment to those populations, seeking to wipe out the injustice existing today by devoting greater human, spiritual, and material resources to their needs.

A transcendent vision of man is needed

In this regard, I wish to address a special appeal to civil authorities, to people of science, and to all those who work in direct contact with the sick. May their service never become bureaucratic and aloof! Particularly, may it be quite clear to all that the administration of public money imposes the serious duty of avoiding its waste and improper use so that available resources, administered wisely and equitably, will serve to ensure prevention of disease and care during illness for all who need them.

The hopes which are so alive today for a humanization of medicine and health care require a more decisive response. To make health care more humane and adequate it is, however, essential to draw on a transcendent vision of man which stresses the value and sacredness of life in the sick person as the image and child of God. Illness and pain affect every human being: love for the suffering is the sign and measure of the degree of civilization and progress of a people.

5. To you, dear sick people all over the world, the main actors of this World Day, may this event bring the announcement of the living and comforting presence of the Lord. Your sufferings, accepted and borne with unshakeable faith, when joined to those of Christ take on extraordinary value for the life of the Church and the good of humanity.

For you, health-care workers called to the highest, most meritorious and exemplary testimony of justice and love, may this Day be a renewed spur to continue in your delicate service with generous openness to the profound values of the person, to respect for human dignity, and to defence of life, from its beginning to its natural close.

For you, Pastors of the Christian people, and to all the different members of the Church community, for volunteers, and particularly for those engaged in the health-care ministry, may this World Day of the Sick offer stimulus and encouragement to go forward with fresh dedication on the way of service to tried, suffering humanity.

6. On the commemoration of Our Lady of Lourdes, whose shrine at the foot of the Pyrenees has become a temple of human suffering, we approach — as she did on Calvary, where the cross of her Son rose up — the crosses of pain and solitude of so many brothers and sisters to bring them comfort, to share their suffering and present it to the Lord of life, in spiritual communion with the whole Church.

May the Blessed Virgin, "Health of the Sick" and "Mother of the Living", be our support and our hope and, through the celebration of the Day of the Sick, increase our sensitivity and dedication to those being tested, along with the trusting expectation of the luminous day of our salvation, when every tear will be dried forever (cf. Is 25:8). May it be granted to us to enjoy the first fruits of that day from now on in the superabundant joy — though in the midst of all tribulations (cf. 2 Cor 7:4) — promised by Christ which no one can take from us (Jn 16:22).

I extend my Blessing to all!

From the Vatican, 21 October 1992

Surviving Pinatubo

2012-02-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

Nope, not the eruption but the journey towards its now water-filled crater that is a sight to behold.

I have always wanted to see this spectacular view that I enviously look at in some of my friend's albums in Facebook. Little did I know that when they say it took them a lot of effort to get there, that they really meant it. Much worse for a 200 pounder like me who works at home and have been stationary for the past two years. Surviving Pinatubo is not only a blessing. I'd say it was almost a miracle.

The journey started with a heavy breakfast (how else do you think?) in the meeting point in front of the tourism office in Capas, Tarlac. There, our 4x4 driver and local tourist guide met us. Allan and Doming were to take care of our lives that day.

The one hour drive through vast deserted land filled with white sands, large volcanic stones and lots and lots of cow dung was made interesting by the mountainous deposits of lahar that is now green with vegetation. The lahar wall looks stunning and is "photogenic" in their own right. However, they also look like they have been, in the recent years, been watered down by rain thus forming pointed peaks. Despite the beauty, I wonder how much longer they would hold. And yes, i mean they look like DANGER.

The skillful maneuvering of Allan through the ups and downs of the terrain and sometimes through occasional streams really made me realize the power of these vehicles. Thank goodness for 4x4s! At the drop off point, our group started off the path towards the crater.

The weather was cool (in fact cold...brrr!) and the sun was kind enough to hide behind the clouds that day. Our leisurely walk was peppered with crossing brooks that also sang to us throughout the journey. Of course there are those treacherous ( i think) lahar walls that at some point looks like they are gonna cave in on us. If not for the occasional interlude with water, the journey would have been much more tiring.

I knew in the first hour that my feet is already suffering with blisters because of the sand that lingers in my Crocs. Every grain seems to own up to a part of my sole and diligently scratch the surface. All these while I concentrate on Doming's footsteps. I stare at it at times just to keep me walking. "Check, one foot ahead of the other, one foot ahead of the other", I tell myself. This went on for two hours more and just when I reached the top of the stairway leading to the view of the crater...my legs had cramps and I stood there for what I thought was about forever. The memory of the three other weather disturbance that came before this schedule came to me and thought....so, this is how much I should put up to get this view, huh? Then it better be worth it.

Finally after standing there for about ten minutes, I managed to take some limping steps towards the place overlooking the crater. At the sight of the crater, I knew, it was worthwhile. It was BEAUTIFUL.

The green water refreshes the eye.

After lunch and lots of picture taking, we went down for me to have a swim. The water was COLD and I could only stand to swim for about 20 mins. One more pressing reason for this trip is for me to dip into these sulfuric water with the hope that it will help my psoriatic skin. I couldn't say for certain if it did help though.

Now, the walk back. I dreaded it but it actually turned out ok. With Anna walking by my side and chatting the stony terrain away, we were at the 4x4 again in no time.

Overall, I knew we were in the verge of danger the whole stretch of the road. With the distance, the isolation, the unstable walls of lahar, and the possible heart attack due to fatigue, no one can really tell what could go wrong. Having said that, in hindsight, I was glad we went, I was thankful we were safe and I would not do it again. Ahahahaha!

My companions: Ruther, Anna, Weison, Leiman and Aaron

I've been B.U.S.Y.

2012-01-23T09:44:00.001+08:00

By the beginning of November, me and my bestfriend Jheng recalled last night, my journal has been popping out of its seams and is ready to burst with all the journaling I have been doing. Just a few more pages, we thought, and I'd be able to start with a new leather journal again. Of course I will finish this one off because its going to be Christmas soon and I have so many things planned out for me, the business and the family. But to no avail, the pages allotted for the days that followed remained barren and lackluster. I've been BUSY. I hate the word. I know that it only means I have not been able to manage my time well and that things are piling up (like the papers at my left side as I type) unnecessarily. Or is it?

B-it off more than I could chew.

I have been managing the office since maybe late 2010 and now a year after and with 2 able staff by my side I thought I could do more. So I opened a travel agency after sometime of "studying". Lo and behold, just after I finished my course, our house help went for a vacation, one of my more able staff has decided she'd just float around for a while because she is emotionally too preoccupied. At the time I thought I could now begin to do something of my interest, I had to take care of the interest of everyone else's. I felt drowned by the concerns and yet swim I did: brushing the toilet bowl while I check on the office quotations, issue check, ask for tour operator accreditation, cook lunch, put the clothes in the line after laundry and managing to remember all the bills, insurance and business renewals that are due. Meanwhile my room's a mess, my skin's all red and my hair continue to gray.

U-seless worrying.

I tend to expect the worse outcome for whatever scenario. I worry before I do. Thus, I waste time unintentionally while I thoughtfully consider every possibility to address a worry that may never happen. I over prepare, I become too cautious, I act slow and decide even slower. I thread along a delicate line in a highway so to speak. I rarely just let things flow to where it should and my over maneuvering is being read by the the universe as KJ (kill joy) and maybe it gives up on me sometimes. Thus, the easy become difficult. The short process become long. Such is my nature.

S-elf justification

Having noted the first two, what I am doing now is publicly announcing how justified my poor time management is and that it is not entirely my fault. It was due to circumstances and human nature. These thoughts become soothing balm of relief when my nagging self emerges and blame me for papers left unattended or when canned food is served on the table for dinner.

Y-oung

Not youth. Young. I realized that not until my mum passed away have I trully aged. Not matured, just slowly aging and hopefully maturing. I did not realize there were so many levels to it till now. I used to just wake up, work, go home and rest. I felt important being able to buy what I want, deciding where I'd go or what to do. I felt all grown up because my clothes say so and because people outside believe what I say. In truth, I was a baby playing make believe until I start thinking of others.

I was inexperienced in being altruistic. I was inexprienced in looking out for others. I was inexperienced in living for others.

Honestly, at times I resent the role I have accepted...and maybe even sought. Oh Lord, how could you stand me? In my heart I account for all the help I give out and yet I feel like what I get is but my due. I feel all burnt out by the work I do and yet I do not show gratefulness for million other things that other people do for me without me even asking.

I feel drained because I thought I could love others with what love I have. But Lord, it is bound to fail. Supply me with your love oh Lord. Make me understand. Allow me to be used. Allow me to bend my knee as often times as needed to replenish my cup. Allow me to love with Your love.

Never make me BUSY again.

Travel Agency

2011-12-13T21:24:00.001+08:00

I have always been amazed at travelling and I do take time to encourage people to give time for travel when they can. So when I was given the chance to open my own business, there was no other thing on my mind but to open a travel agency. I registered my business in Antipolo, my hometown simply because I know that there will be more need for me there. At the same time, I have always been longing to find a reason to go back there and away from Manila. Little did I know that the sun shining and irritating me on the day I registered was the last time I'd be encountering the sun , well at least so far.Ironic to the passion that propelled the idea of putting up a travel agency, I am now glued to my seat and have been working on my computer all day since the day I sent out accreditation letters. I think this would define hard work for me. But I do not want to miss the goal. My goal is to help myself build something, to help others have a great time on a budget, and to have access to travel myself. I would be in a journey and in truth, I am very afraid. I find myself in many crossroads during this journey, stopping, staring, weighing options and afraid to let go. However, I know that there is no one to support me on this but me and that I know that this will just need to be started and all will go on easier as I go along. So help me God!

Philippines

2011-09-28T17:18:00.002+08:00

I didn't realize how big the Philippines is until I saw the two little dots I have visited in Mindanao! Hah! I have been very proud of how I have travelled to Mindanao during my stint as a travelling trainer (hehe). Besides, how many Filipinos can actually say they have been to Zamboanga. But to no avail, my sojourn in the Philippines has just started. :)

More to come!

Journaling

2011-08-30T12:45:00.007+08:00

Here I am back to blogging. Yup, back but only to announce that I now have a more regular passion. I missed the feel of writing with my pen on a crisp sheet of paper. The feel of my leather notebook(s) are much more inviting than my laptop's keyboard. Yes, what I am saying is that I am going back to basics and loving it!

I have been journaling all my life and have always been in

touch with what I am feeling and thinking at any given time. I realized that the more I write (and yes, pray) the less talkative I am. So if you are a friend of mine and you find me talkative, I am not doing enough of either writing or praying.

These days, I have been hugging my journal and bringing it along with me wherever I go. I write, paste, cut, do something with the pages or do something to have something to write on the pages. Whenever i am on the computer, I look for journaling ideas and i could sometimes spend hours oogling over wonderful artistically done pages by others.

My new "likes" are the Kikki K. shop for their straight forward journaling kits. The inspirations coming from Nadja and Enan of Alunsina (maker of my handmade leather journal), my newly discovered artist and writer, Keri Smith (author of "How to be an explorer of the world" and "wreck this journal"), Papemelroti (for the stickers and paper cut-outs), my friends Toni (for always pointing me to the right direction/shop) and Pido (for always inspiring me to write- no edits).

One night, I couldn't sleep and scribbled about journaling way near dawn. Next think I knew, i was being led to one store and person after the other. I feel like the universe is conspiring with my new love. Nice work!

Dullness

2011-07-05T11:15:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I almost couldn't remember my log in details to this account. That speaks volumes about my writing habit...add to that my rusty spelling, my uncoordinated tenses and my drying up imagination.

Everytime something happens to me or a thought pops into mind, I create a tagline in my head to start me off writing. I even conserve them and refuse to put it in Facebook because I want to blog about it. But no. A phone call, my work, family and self just gets in the way and I know, like in praying, I am the one who lose when I do not write.

I find myself talking slow or being unable to express my exact thoughts. The dullness in my verbal skills surely have to be attributed to the fact that I have allowed laziness to get in the way of what I used to like doing.

Say for example the fact that since my Palawan trip, I have gone back to Singapore three times. Surely there was something to write bout that?! Like how much I miss the place, the people and the activities I used to do there. How I feel liberated at the very sight of the airport because finally I am alone and have nothing to worry about but myself. I would have love to write about SAM and VANGIE who constantly meet me almost at the very instant of my landing in Singapore. Eager to chit chat and always warmly welcoming me to their home. Most importantly, how I miss the liberty I had going to Church, to the center, to choir practice simply because I do not have to take care of a household.

Add to this my trip to Hong Kong with Jheng and Elise. This was hosted by Kat Perez Labian and her family, Nanad and Keia. I would have written about the Buddha, about the how to's of going to places away from the city. I should have written about the family that I have come to know there and how they kept us company when we had so much energy simply because we were on vacation. I so love them!

But to all these... no, I have not written a thing. Not even about the events in the company and in the house that has left me thinking... WHere is this headed? How did this become the plan for me Lord? My musing and aspirations, my doubts and my coming to terms with them.

Over the past months, I have been immersed in the business more than even I would have wanted to. I thought I could just oversee it from afar. But situations have forced me to take a better look, dip my body into the work and experience how it really is for my family members who have taken this position once before. I have already come to the conclusion that it was not bad at all...if you'd take "career" out of the picture.

By career I mean...to be known to be the go to person for a certain skill or stuff. You know, to be awarded, recognized for something.

But GOd is so good, He did not allow me to pass up to that one. I am presently creeping into a deal that would, if done properly, give me some semblance of a career while living up to family duties.

When that day is confirmed...sure I would IMMEDIATELY write about that, right?

Coron, Palawan

2011-01-07T22:53:00.011+08:00

To start my year right, I took a HOLIDAY. Distancing myself from the many things I needed to do, I flew to Busuanga with my dear friend Elise and spent four days unwinding in Coron. We decided to entrust our ultimate relaxation to Majika Tours and was not disappointed.

We were shuttled to the Balai Majika situated in town from the Airport. It was small and simple but the warm smile and welcome of Met, Baby and the other girls in the Balai immediately made us feel at home. We were served Tinolang manok and fried fish for lunch before we were ferried down to the Majika island resort by our boatman, Edwin.

The resort has a rustic appeal to it. Our cottage had two huge beds, a spacious toilet and bath, airy balcony and the whole cottage was elevated for us to have a better view of the

beach and the majestic mountain right in front of the island resort.

The hall for the guests was welcoming and homey... significantly so because of the friendly staffs and owner of the resort, Maji (Margaret). It was easy to realize how important people's names were in Majika not only because their names were printed on their company t-shirts but mostly because, everyone called each other by name. In fact, if you happen to be in the hall at the same time with other guests, the staffs would go out of their way to introduce you to each other.

Being the usual "aligaga" girls, we were looking out for

things to do as soon as we unpacked our bags. But the staffs knew better. Vangie visited our cottage and sternly told me "Ma'am diba relax naman kayo? Pahinga lang muna kayo

...pag ok na kayo pwede ko naman kayo ipa bangka papunta sa boat house o kaya pasamahan pa akyat ng hill." This made me realize soon enough that this is going to be a "petiks" vacation. No bruhaha and what not. Just lazing around, no rush, no worries. Embarassed, I sat down

and took time to savour the fresh warm air and the quiet surroundings. Thanks to that visit, the mood of the trip was set.

With no activity planned out for us on this first day, we ventured out to explore the activities in the resort first. We started with a quick snorkeling trip just off the coast of the island. The waters below the boat house just meters away from the coast was teeming with marine life. It did not take me long to concluded that we made the right choice.

After our snorkeling trip, we had a short chat with Margaret at the hall while

helping ourselves to the best merienda of the trip...their home made turon. Charged and ready for a walk, we caught the sunset atop the Majika hill with Aris, Vangie's child. I was panting and short of breath but the view on top was worth it. Elise and I eased ourselves unto the swings that hang by the trees atop the hill...a perfect spot for our tête à tête.

Hungry and tired, we headed down the hill at about 6:00p.m. and dressed up for dinner. After which we cancelled our firefly and plankton (both glow in the dark creatures) viewing and sneaked into bed. We could not figure out how to lock our door from the inside but this surely did not deter us from having a sound sleep.

The next day, we met our comrades for the day... Marlon, our dive master, Jay and Ken (both from the U.S. Jay was Phil-Am and Ken was an American with Japanese descent) our companions in the trip, Angga and Avon our boatmen. Our group went to Siete Picados (known for

the big tropical fishes that makes the spot famous for snorkeling), Twin Lagoon (I love the water here, as it is a merging of salt and lake water, the swim is an interesting mix of warm and cold water....mostly cold and refreshing!), lunch by the beach (we had chicken adobo, fried fish and pineapple chunks) , and Cayangan lake ( lake water is so000 much better to swim in! No distractions and kinder to the skin...I felt much safer!). The day ended with cold drinks with Jay, Ken, Marlon and two new friends for the evening, AB and Rommel - two savagely experienced local travelers who seemed to have plowed the archipelago bit by bit with their prowess in finding unspoiled beaches and reliable bus and tricyle drivers :).

On the second day of our island tour, we were joined by Ram and Joy (newly wed young Filipino couple living in Dubai) , Grace and Aris (also a couple, Grace is a Filipina with a Canadian Citizenship and Aris from Morong, Bataan) and of course Marlon, Avon and Angga.

This time, we started the trip with an intro dive! Our first dive was on a shipwreck 10 meters deep (thank goodness there's beauty in that depth or my ears would have surely exploded given that I could not seem to equalize quite easily). Our beautifully decorated shipwreck was endowed with hard and soft corals and lotsa lotsa' fishes.

The second dive was closer to home... Majika's own coral garden. I found this dive much more picturesque because of the huge corals! I enjoyed diving and I hope I'd be able to do it

again. It did help that Marlon, who guided me throughout the whole experience was kind enough to take care of the technicalities of diving and just let me enjoy the view with ease.

We were famished after the second dive and since the reefs were only minutes from the shore, we rushed to the hall to catch some lunch. As we were getting accustomed to each other's company, we had a delightful lunch filled with travelers' stories and adventures that surely made my own travels fall below mediocre compared to our companions. But their reliving of their travels and activities made me even more convinced that although travelling may dent your pockets, it surely enriches you as a person. You simply could not underestimate the education that travelling and engaging in fun activities could give. At the very least, its memories serve as a refuge in dull and even sad moments. After that lunch, my bucket list was full to the brim.

We continued our day's trip at 2:00p.m. after a short nap (see how relaxed?). We then proceeded to another shipwreck site. This time it did not even require diving... just by snorkeling above water, you can see the treasure that this shipwreck could offer. Unabated by our whole day underwater, our next stop was the coral garden. We missed swimming with a sea turtle by a few seconds when we spotted it just when we were boarding the boat. Lastly, we headed to a hidden hot spring that required us to walk through an opening surrounded by mangroves. It was quite a treat. By this time, our group has gelled together (in the name of pictures and good company) and that certainly spiced up our day even more. At 5:00p.m. we returned to the island resort beckoned by our longing for Turon once again. :)

We capped our day with a visit to the mangroves to view the fireflies and planktons. In complete darkness, we traversed the sea right in front of Majika island and under the star filled skies, we "quietly" sneaked into the night creatures haven. Albeit our gregarious nature, the stillness of the night and the darkness that surrounded the evening caused us to be still and mellowed. What I enjoyed the most was the boat ride going to and from the mangroves. As Elise puts it, it was like riding to Hogwarts. It was by all means a pleasant ride and quite an experience.

Needless to say, I quickly dozed off as soon as I got back in the room... tired and content.

After breakfast the next day, we sent off our new found friends hoping that we may travel together again. To you... all the best!

Many times during the trip did I find myself praying, thanking God for the chance to travel yet again and to such a serene, friendly place. I was again reminded of my state of health, the events that preceded this year and I just could not help but fall silent and be filled with gratefulness for His providence and love.

Not long ago... I was singing this song... filled with hope and comforted by God's love.

"Holy darkness, blessed night. Heaven's answer hidden from our sight. As we await you oh God of silence, we embrace your Holy night."

Indeed your Love saves and is beautiful! Happy New Year!!!!!

Bangkok Again

2010-12-18T22:13:00.004+08:00

I was in Bangkok in 2001 with my best friend Jheng. It was the first time I ever left my country the Philippines. Armed with my crisp new passport and tagging Jheng along we rode Air France's last round trip flight to Bangkok before KLM acquired their asian fleet.

This year, I went with yet another person who I could say know me more than most.

He called me a week earlier and told me he'd sponsor my ticket to Thailand if I go with him. I called on the dare and went. Come to think of it, not only was I going with someone who knew me inside out (and only a very few people could say that) but another similarity of this trip from 2001 was that I got it for free! Wahh!

Anyway, our first day was a voluntary "confusion" day. We planned to be cool about it - deciding not to book our hotels ahead of time and just look for a place to stay when we get there. He on the other hand decided to be even more "ultra cool" by not booking a flight back to Manila. In the end, he booked a flight which costs a 100% more than usual @ business class and us, staying in a hotel in the midst of what we thought was a close semblance to Tondo.

Little did we know that we were gonna be picking gems along the way. First, on our list was to walk around and try street food. That of course led us to an appetizer of maggots , crickets and frogs. We explored the BTS and some high end places where we had an amazingly affordable japanese dinner (yeah I know, japanese dinner in bangkok! Bummer!). We then proceeded to Pat Phong...the infamous red district of the pussies. Well, disgusted as I was before, we left the club a bottle of beer and one lighted cigarette later.

The next day, we were chauffered around by our guide Anurah. He was a delight to be with because he was such a classy tour guide you know you could afford some private time while on the tour. He does not oversell his services but he surpasses your expectation of service that is why he quickly became a favorite of our trip.

I went through the usual routes ones again...but definitely much more pleasant than the first time I walked the temples of Bangkok. This time, i did not burn myself because I had to walk back having overshot our destination because no one in the bus knows where we were headed. This time around, we were dropped off on every single doorstep/ gate of our destination.

We punctuated our day with Siam Niramit, a cultural show of grand proportions. We called it a day at around 11 p.m. and just landed face down on our beds and snored the night away.

Day 3 was less tiring although we went to the outskirts of Bangkok. But no elephant,crocodile or floating market could top our accidental discovery. Right across the hotel where we stayed the first night was a shopping heaven. We immediately lost our heads in the astonishing view of rows and rows of clothes and trinkets. In 2 hours, Mond has added 10kgs of goodies in his trunk.

Although I may just be speaking for myself... I wish the trip was longer and our pockets deeper. :) Nah! none of those limitations got in the way of us getting on with a wonderful trip. Till our next adventure... Sayonara Bangkok...open your shops to us again next time!

Mond, it was a pleasure travelling with you...you should know that I would always be bewildered by the circumstances by which we met and how those brief meetings led to such a surprisingly deep friendship. Thank you. Thank you.

Reproductive Health Bill

2010-10-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

I was out and about town the whole day of Friday and was listening to people’s reaction to the CBCP’s stand on the Reproductive Health Bill over the radio. Being a Catholic, it was painful to hear people fired up and downright rude with their comments regarding the church’s stand, its priests and supporters.

I felt that the Church was under siege yet again. I am not publishing this because I would like to react on this matter as most everyone seems to be doing just that. Rather, I’d like to reflect and pray that this may at least remind me, when my faith is weakened and swayed, of how I feel now.

I believe that this issue was set ablaze by the reaction of the CBCP on the RH Bill and fanned by an uproar when a bishop was interviewed (and even Harry Potter knows how interviews are conducted quite cleverly) and mentioned excommunication pertaining to PNoy (Philippine president) should he advocate the bill. I will not comment on this since it too will die down eventually, knowing how this is just being used to make an angry mob out of this man’s supporters. I can’t help but chuckle and find it funny how this nation known to topple down presidents and governments over the past decades suddenly turn to it as their champion now that it is contemplating on this bill.

But not to drift away from the real issue, I will concentrate my reflection on the use of contraceptives.

The use of contraceptives worry me for far beyond its effect on our nation’s demographics and finances. Making contraceptives readily available (and subtly advocated over the natural method) by the RH bill worries me for the “MENTALITY” that it would bring along with it:

• The mentality that children are burdens even before they are born.

• The mentality that what is permitted and advocated by such an institution as the government is right without making an effort to discern on what foundation this advocacy is resting on.

• The mentality that it is impossible to battle against human urges (I’m afraid these are many, not only sexual) and therefore quit trying

• And the mentality that our plans are better than God’s.

God in His wisdom and generosity made the sexual act between a married man and woman pleasurable. Sex is therefore deemed good if it is facilitative of its true purpose: marriage and potential parenthood. Regarding sex as a personal pleasure whose use is no one else’s business except his own is what the Church views as wrong.

It is sad to admit that the Church seems to be losing its influence over this supposed predominantly Catholic country. But I would like to remind everyone that this is not entirely because of the Church’s doing. It is also because of our own waning zeal to get to know the faith and indeed our weakening eagerness to know the will of God.

To those who still believe that the spiritual battle is external rather than internal, it is easy to judge priests, or the church. Despite scandals, which are undeniably not foreign to the priesthood, I do know that there are more priests battling evil and human urges with great difficulty and heroic love than those who falter. Because of this, passing sweeping statements with regards to this holy calling is at the very least, uncharitable.

For the government, it seems that they view contraception as damage control. For the church, contraception IS the damage.

Stop for a moment and help me reflect. Is the question really Will parents really be better off taking care of 2 rather than 5 children?

To my mind, these are the REAL questions:

Who is the better parent? Those, whose two children witness them advocating the convenience of their own plan and will over God’s? Or those whose five children see them, with great effort, following God’s will for their family?

Who are the better children? Those who get all they want because this is what their parents are working on and for? Or those who have been taught to feel content with his share for the good of all?

What nation are we trying to build? A nation of brats who have the education but do not have compassion? Or a nation of people governed by their conscience and equipped to collaborate?

Who are you really fighting this battle for? Real Catholics who can suppress urges in the name of faith? Or waning Catholics who are looking for a cooling balm of comfort in the arms of uneducated consciences?

What really is the problem?

I do not want to believe population is the problem. Corruption is. Greed is. Laziness is.

I do not want to believe that our nation needs “responsible parenthood” as the answer to population growth. What we need are responsible parents, who can educate their own children in discerning right from wrong and who themselves have strength of character, to facilitate our nation’s growth.

The problem is we focus on the problem, not the solution.

Increase in the support especially in terms of technology and resurgence of our almost dying industry of agriculture and fisheries in the provinces will create jobs, livelihood and quality of life. Closer monitoring of appropriation of funds especially for quality free education will help alleviate poverty. Government putting in place measures to protect labor rights and better salaries can increase productivity and will result in vibrant businesses. Review of outdated and almost punitive tax laws and business requirements not to mention the sorry state of our peace and order that drives away big players from investing in our country. Disciplined population who think of the common good in as little as throwing their trash away properly to honesty in work. Filipinos who think highly of their country, vote wisely and are concerned of the environment.

It is amusing that we are looking at ourselves as the problem instead of the solution. We are letting people tell us that if only we are not as many, they would be able to do their job better. If only the poor, who cannot pay their own way around were fewer, life would be better. We are not made poor by our number. We are made poor by our ignorance. We are made poor by the greedy. We are made poor by the very people who wants an even bigger slice of the pie.

People reacted violently when the Church made a stand against the the RH bill because it is not killing babies when it supports contraception. Maybe.

Even worse, what it is really killing is our FAITH in the Church’s teachings, our HOPE in God’s providence and our LOVE for the will of God.

Songs from Above Concert

2010-06-23T14:07:00.002+08:00

The Divine Mercy Choir just concluded a concert...and that concludes my membership with them as well... I will surely miss the guys. But I have photos to remember. Thank you guys for everything!

Believing in Eternity

2010-05-18T00:03:00.007+08:00

I do not know how those who do not believe in Heaven and the reality of the after life cope with losing a loved one. The finality of loss and all for naught is something that I will not, cannot comprehend.

I often ask God for a chance to see where Nanay is right now, what she is doing, how she is. My faith tells me that she is fine and is having the time of her long eternal life! My faith sees Nanay seeing all her friends, the ones she prayed for and the Ones she prayed to in heaven. They would be singing, welcoming her and praising God for bringing her in. They would recount to her how she has made their journey so much more meaningful and safer because of her love and prayer. In the same way they would recount to her how they have been praying for her too. She must be basking in the Light that is God and smiling endlessly. She must be praying for us right now.

Nanay would have met Apo already. For the life of me, I know that Nanay did not stop praying for the soul of Apo to get to heaven till she died. I often see myself now as in the shoes of my Nanay when Apo died. She must have been just a bit older than me then and with four kids whom Apo helped her to raise. Her life must have changed then. She must have been totally devastated to have lost the one person who fought for her and protected her every minute of her life. She must have been really really sad and afraid and anxious. I did not notice. I was too young then although I imagine she must have comforted her sisters despite needing consolation herself.

The readings in the mass these days have been really meaningful to me. In most of the readings, they described heaven. During the Ascension, the readings told us of how long Jesus appeared to His disciples after He died and how He showed them how He Ascended to heaven. Taking in Jesus as God in the light of just Faith for the pillars of the church must have been really insufficient...not to mention how mere clays we all are, how the disciples were no more than us in strength of character before the holy spirit was given to them.

Also in one of the readings it was said that in heaven, souls would forget all their pain. I would like to claim and believe that for nanay as well. I hope she forgets and have no trace in her memory of how much love she was deprived of by the very people she hoped to get the love from. I hope her memory of her bitter past is erased. I pray that if she has ever been disappointed with us, her children, she'd be relieved of that too. I hope that she forgets the words that hurt her. Moreso, I hope she forgets the silence that left her feeling cold.

Nanay was not perfect ....but she knew that. She tried to make up for it the way she knows how. I am praying they were enough. I am praying that she be granted Mercy and that she be eternally happy.

I wish to see her and talk to her. I wish to tell her again how good I feel singing for the Lord because I learned that from her. I miss her. I miss how good it felt to embrace her...even if I seldom did.

Now, my heart and soul longs for something to see, to feel, to hear...Living in faith is a tough act to do - but Nanay taught me how. So, on as a pilgrim I go...

Nanay's Life

2010-05-06T11:22:00.009+08:00

Of course I have to write about Nanay. I can only remember Nanay now. I cannot call her. I cannot go home to her. I am even hunted by the thought that I may never see her again if I do not make good in this life and end up in the opposite residence in the after life. Needless to say, I am afraid I may have lost her forever. Nonetheless, I am grateful for her life. Being her family, we were damn lucky.

During her wake, I realize how little I knew about Nanay. People who came to see her told me about her many activities. Who she prayed over for, a talk she gave, a funeral she attended, weddings she went to, friends she had, places she would have wanted to eat in. I could not name 90% of the people who came to the wake. But they knew nanay and nanay knew them. Nanay knew all my friends. I did not bother to know hers. I did not bother to share her passion for those people. I did not know she was praying for their pain and celebrating in their joys. Nanay could not talk about them with us because we always felt she was spreading herself too thinly...that she has no time for us. But she never really neglected us. She never neglected me. I neglected her. Even at her last moments, when I called her, she turned her head in attention and tried to look at me...one of her last voluntary actions. She turned to me.

Nanay often told me I'd miss massaging her feet, a task I always frown about. At her death bed, because the doctors were busy reviving her with the fib several times in the ICU, I was forced to stay by her feet. I caressed and rubbed it and remembered her words. Nanay often said that when she dies, only then would I appreciate her. It hurts to admit that she was right. Years of lecturing and still I did not get it. I went on with life unmindful of her and unaware of the great treasure we have at home, sitting in the corner or preparing our next meal.

When she died, I felt a surge of guilt, sadness and more guilt. I was never the good daughter. I was the feistiest one and the closest in resemblance to all her bad habits, but I was never the closest to her. If she had to worry about someone in the brood, she'd worry about me. But Nanay was always the comforter. Unexplainable peace flowed through me hours after her death. A feeling of being forgiven. A feeling of being relieved and understood and loved came over me. In God's mercy, I trust that indeed such is the case.

Nanay's life was her death and her death was her life. Let's just say that from the time I could remember, Nanay has been telling me of all the awful things I am feeling right now due to her loss. I thought at first this was her ploy to frighten me just so i'd be good. Now I understand, she knew what the end of days is and lived towards it all her life. She could only wish we do the same.

Nanay lived her life dying to herself everyday. She knew how little she could bring when she goes up to eternal life so she started dying to herself and living in others. I know for sure that people who went to grieve with us really grieved with us because mommy has shared so much of herself to them that most of them (if not all) owned a piece of her. A piece of her happiness, her smile, her complaints, her sadness, her wisdom, her worries...in all of us was Nanay. Stray pieces are still out there...many people requested us to bring nanay here and there so they could pay their last respects but we did not make the arrangements. Still, we appreciate their love.

I kept thinking of the "Tuesdays with Morrie" book of Mitch Albom during mommy's wake. I do not know if mom read the book but I sure could see she knew what it contains. She was a child, a sister, a woman, a teacher, a wife, a mother, a grand mother and an inspiration to many in her short life of 59 years. I could never be half the woman my mom was. I could only wish but she was a tough act to follow...and again, I do not know half the things she has done so ....

Mommy lived with the end in mind. What to me was a ploy for good behavior was her creedo. To die in God's presence and friendship. When she died, something in me knew that was all she wanted all along. She knows she could never be happier anywhere else. While praying to God and Mother Mary to take her hand and show her directions in heaven, an inspiration told me that Nanay already knew her way around.

She knew the signposts. She is finally home.

Perth Australia

2010-04-03T16:27:00.009+08:00

I am currently in Perth and about to end my 10 day school holiday. This time, instead of going back to the Philippines I decided to visit my friend Donna and her family. She has a lovable baby little Tyler and I have to admit, being with TJ was the highlight of my holiday. I once spent alone time in the city and it did not feel quite right without Donna and Tyler around. I sure hope I could have plenty of time with our dear Nathan (my nephew) as well...I can't wait for June!!!

My first official day into my holiday was last Saturday 27 March. I spent time with Donna in the supermarket as well as helping her with some errands. Then Nana , TJ's lovable and very hospitable grandma treated us to her home made banana cake. Ooops, she also treated us to Dome for breakfast the same day, lunch the day after and dinner the next! Hah! Quite a lovely lady Nana!! Mwah!

I explored the city and the malls, went on a cruise, drove to the vineyards, went to the beach,visited the local church, ate free chocolates and cheese, savored the country side view and taste! Perth is such a wonderful, relaxed holiday destination!

But it would not have been possible without the hospitality of Joel, Donna, Nana and the presence of Tyler! I could not have wished for more hospitable hosts! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!! No words can express my gratitude for your warmth and sincere friendship!

My top picks for perth: Joel and Donna's company, the clear blue skies, the cool weather (at least during my stay), TJ, and Nana's banana cake!

Perth may be the world's most isolated city...but it sure is warm and friendly!

Singing for God

2010-02-27T22:33:00.004+08:00

It's been quite a while since my last (dramatic) post. I have, since the beginning of the year (Jan) been busy with the church choir I joined by accident. I have been an avid singer and I try to be at church attending mass as much as I can but to marry the two? Simply put... I am having a blast!

I even had my first Cantor slot last Sunday and aside from the nerve wrecking pre-singing emotional roller coaster, I think it was such a wonderful experience. To be practicing, praying, and getting ready for the psalm was such a spritual journey for me. I remember when I was a lector in St. Pius (for 13 years!) I would read the Sunday readings days before and try to internalize the meaning (or at least what the reading meant to me) just so I could justify my reading it in front of the congregation, to be able to impart what the words should plant in their hearts. This time around, there will be no intonations but tune, no stress but vibrato, and simply no room for nerves. I wanted it to be heart felt and although I would like to make it beautiful, I would like the voice to not overpower the message. I do not know if I succeeded but I sure prayed for it.

Aside from the singing, I have been really busy with a lot of things and a lot of people...there simply is no room to stand still and worry needlessly. A great contrast to how I spent the middle part of my last year... I am so thankful that the Lord has once again cradled me close to His heart to nourish me, to comfort me and to show me that His heart beats for me. Thank you God! I will sing your praises in my heart always!

PHOTO

Bintan

2010-02-16T00:25:00.000+08:00

What a need to travel and fitting our budget of $150 can do... I should say we did a good job! Enjoyed Bintan with Joanne and Vilma...all first timers despite our many years working in Singapore. I guess it was meant for the three of us to explore it this time. Nice work guys!

If You Ever Forget Me

2010-01-16T23:54:00.002+08:00

Do you remember how we met?
Do you recall how much laughter we shared
And how much tears became easy and relieving
Simply because there is nothing to hide
There is nothing to pretend about?

Do you remember how we'd spend hours and hours
Exchanging playful thoughts and funny stories
Hiding the fact that there is nothing to talk about
But saying goodbye was not an option?

Do you recall what I was like and what you first thought of me?
How that changed once we spent time together?
Do you appreciate the fact that I knew you and you knew me?
Do you remember me?

If you ever forget how we looked at each other
If you ever forget how right we felt together
If you ever forget that it was confusingly proper
You never knew me and you'd never bother.

If you ever forget me and what I meant
If you ever forget that I was heaven sent
Then you just have to remember
Or in empty places you'd always wander.

Thanksgiving!

2010-01-10T02:07:00.005+08:00

This year's resolution...only Thanksgiving! In my life, I shall only see the grace of both the good and the bad, the endings and the beginnings, the joys and the sorrows because all is good!

When I wake up in the morning, I shall thank God that I am still in His thoughts, for nothing short of that would have woken me up for another day.

At mass, I shall thank God for He allows me to experience anew His timeless and eternal sacrifice and it's fruits.

In prayer, I shall thank God that I am able to pray ...because I know how it us to not be able to, to be ashamed to do so and to be apathetic even when I am able to.

In my petitions, I shall thank God for the faith to ask, for the courage to turn to Him, for the hope of being satisfied or comforted.

In my remorse, I shall thank God that he allowed my sorrow to be deep and my longing to close the gap harrowing.

In my happiness, I shall thank God for the smiles and the little miracles that led to that moment.
In my sorrow, I shall thank God that I am able to run to Him.

In my doubt, I shall thank God for allowing me to recognize his push or pull.

In my fatigue, I shall thank God that I am busy and mobile.

In leisure, I shall thank God that I am able to sip the essence of time.

In the company of my family, I shall thank God for His embrace.

In the company of my friends, I shall thank God for the intertwined lives that did not pass unnoticed.

Moreover, I shall ask Mother Mary to teach me how to worthily give thanks to the Creator for there is no one more grateful than her.

Christ the King

2009-11-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

It may be because of the endless shopping and bazaars at this time of the year but i noticed that in the past five years, the feast of Christ the King always catches me by surprise...and by that I mean unprepared. I do not seem to feel like I am in the right disposition always. I feel like I am always in a bad shape spiritually.

Luckily, this feast is there to remind me who's boss! My heart becomes too crowded with junk food (hollow desires) for the latest, the biggest, the best for temporal matters that I forget to give space for the ONLY Person I need to put at the center of it all.

I somehow speculate, this may just be a warning for me. What if I was meant to meet our Lord on a Christ the King feast day...Oh Oh.... gulp!

"Lord that I may always be vigilant and focused on you....simply because i am missing out a lot thinking that there is anything in this world that could replace you. Simply because in you, I AM loved- no matter what."

My Misadventures in Unadventurous Singapore

2009-11-10T19:36:00.008+08:00

I seem to have a very eventful life in Singapore. It seems to me that I am being showed around every possible wrong turn in this otherwise boring city.

What would happen to you if you could not get into the career you've spent many years to build?
What would happen if your house agent is not truthful?
What should you do if you lose your work visa on the day before you are to go out to another country for a holiday?
What would happen if you accidentally lose all your travel documents, certificates and important papers in an MRT train?
What would happen should your employer forget to renew your work visa?
What will happen if you become sick in a foreign land?
What woulld happen if you suddenly find yourself LONELY in a foreign land?

I do not want to bore you with the answers but YES, I do know the answers. I think I found out how life is for a foreigner in Singapore the hard way. I am nonetheless grateful that in all of them, I learned and was not conquered.

I am inclined to believe that, despite the fact that I still do not have a solid plan to go back to the Philipppines for good, Singapore was not very kind to me. However, I also know that all of the experiences I had here has something to do with what is in stored for me.

Now, some good points.

I have always lived in beautiful houses in Singapore and always with wonderful people.
I have always been working and have not found myself without money or without work.
My relationships changed here...it showed me the true status of what part people play in my life - REALLY.
I find that I have become closer to God here and more free to engage in the different activities of my organization and church.
I learned to cook, to be careful of my speech in the presence of others and to live with other people apart from family.

I know that there are a lot more... and a lot of mishaps as well... that I just laugh about now. I am one clumsy, thoughtless, careless person...and GOD has been very good to me!

Jakarta

2009-09-30T16:07:00.003+08:00

I went with Vilma to visit Jakarta (and Worley my friend) and we had a blast despite our limited time. Due to some work constraints, we were forced to only spend two days in this capital city of Indonesia. Just as is accustomed, I went there just when things are happening...particularly bombings in the area. We stayed in hotel Ibis near the city center and met up with Worley first thing after checking in. We had a late lunch and soon after headed for the Saturday anticipated mass at 4:30 p.m. After mass, we were off to explore the city.

We rode their version of the MRT only they are trams/buses that were alloted a special lane on the streets and designated stops in landmark areas. We were very lucky to have not encountered traffic during our trip...quite unusual according to Worley. In fact, the day after, the area we visited actually had the streets closed and thus...no traffic at all! Only the metro buses i referred to earlier were allowed to run on the streets. Is that luck or what!

After going to malls and places of interests, we spent some time listening to music, eating some canapes and drinking tea/coffee at a hotel lounge. Of course, it was a pleasure experiencing shelling out hundred of thousands of money for a night cap! I kept the receipt of our RM250,000 bill. I felt so rich!!!

Our second day was the heritage tour going to MONAS and Chinatown. After a tiring day of walking and eating...we headed back to the airport and ended yet another travel adventure with my travel buddy Vilma. Till next time!

Sadness

2009-08-11T21:19:00.006+08:00

I have written about "Happiness" at least twice before and I tell you this is far fewer than what I would have intended. I am generally a seeker of happiness and is easily made happy by the simplest of things, e.g. the tip tap of the rain on my window when I wake up on a weekend, the smell of grass, the casual greeting from a friend, a small gesture of kindness, a nice formation of clouds in the sky.

However, the reason for my hiatus from blogging this past month was because of an almost unfamiliar feeling that enveloped my being... loneliness. If you read my blog, you'd know from previous posts why.

I woke up one morning to a news I did not like to hear (but would nonetheless survive) and BOOM! I was free falling to the abyss of gloom.

I was crying unceasingly. I was deeply hurt, in the heart - the kind of hurt that I thought was just being described figuratively , felt quite literal (cuts like a knife). I was often hard of breathing and simply could not lift my chin up. I was not in the mood to even pretend to be happy...my eyes would always give me away. I simply could not be cheerful. Suddenly, I was so afraid of the sky getting all gloomy for that Saturday rain. I felt it would worsen my already sordid mood. I was afraid of the dark, of being alone, of having nothing to do. However, I did not find brightness in light, company in friends and I was so lethargic to bring myself to do anything besides moping around and finding more and more reasons to be SAD.

Although unfamiliar and obviously destructive, I allowed my life to halt and dive. The circumstances were conducive to sadness as I was on holiday, had nothing to do and had no one to please. I explored the feeling amidst the fear of not being able to bounce back from it. I wrote poems after poems, article after article, letter after letter. That was all I did, write. I found writing as my solace in that dark avenue of hurt, struggle and uncertainty. I did not publish them because as I wrote on one of my poems ..." when I look back to this day, I would know that it was not me." Up till then, I refused to accept that I am SAD. I'd rather say that I went through sadness.

Now, this is done and dealt with and so I begin writing again. I discovered that much of my sadness came not from the "sad" part of my present reality but on the "fear" of what it holds for me as a consequence in the future, or sometimes the "regret" of my loss, or the "shame" of impression it will make on me. I guess what I am saying is that the "sad" part was never an isolated feeling...nor is it a feeling apart from my own selfish intentions. I tried to deny it in the beginning, camouflaging my intentions under the cloak of noble intentions...although it may be a part of it, the even larger part is simply because it will affect my ego.

Indeed, pride is the devil's greatest weapon. And as a friend said, the devil himself is sad and it gives him much joy to find us sad as well. Misery loves company.

I am moved to include in this article a quotation from one of my friends in Facebook... "Sadness is not measured by the tears you shed but by the number of smiles you faked". How succinct.

Trio

2009-07-28T14:57:00.006+08:00

We were an odd trio.

To begin with, we are a perfect combination for disaster. One perfectionist, one carefree soul, one worry wart. To top it all, we are all hot headed.

Aside from that, we could not be any more different. As foods, Jheng would be a steak, I would be a spaghetti, and Elise would be a dessert. In dressing up, Jheng would be corporate, ELise would be chic and trendy, I would be casual and not care at all how I look. In travelling, I would be the planner (always listing down iteneraries, bookings and even help numbers ahead of time), Jheng would be the on-site manager (the one making sure we did everything we committed to do, make sure we don't leave anything in the hotel room) and Elise would be the one enjoying the stroll and not aggrevate the blaming game when things go wrong.

As a trio, we did not have a very smooth start. A lot of crying and blaming and anger enveloped our first year. However, as the stir pass, the air became clear and we were off to our adventures together.

In Manila, we would see each other every so often. Sometimes only me and Jheng, sometimes, the three of us. But here in SIngapore, we were given the chance to live together, and become even closer together. There were times we would tease each other saying what we'd do to each other when we are already old and gray. How we would put ointments on each other, remind each other of our vitamins, etc. Of course we would pray that at least one of us would get married and have children. I once told Jheng (as she is the only one getting suitors) to get married and I will be her child's tita and I will spoil her children as I am spoiling her right now (or so I thought).

I joined Elise and Jheng in Singapore last September 07 and they cannot be any more supportive of my job search than they did. Living in our Sengkang home, in the beginning, exposed how differently we would handle problems. After a rough start in that house, we began to settle in, form rules, and try to keep to our duties as best we can. But it is not as mechanical as it sounds. Jheng being the most "malambing" in the house and the obvious link between me and Elise made the house our home. Our Sengkang home was witness to the most caring, warm and devoted friendship possible between three women. We were not always sweet, we could give each other scorching looks and a taste of sharp hurtful words when we are expressing our differing opinions or are simply short of patience. But we would always make up and forget all about it like nothing happened. We went to places together, throw parties together, go to the grocery together, eat together, watch t.v. together and simply have a great time knowing that each would just be there when you call.

As it happens, the past 2 years was a blissful preparation to the past 2 weeks...sadly, it looks like we will nonetheless fail.

The home crumbled with every empty seat on the table, every irritated comment, every nagging worry, every advise ignored, every unheaded plead for attention and warmth.

I guess, our lives together will soon come to an end. However, to my two friends, I write...

Thank you for being my pillar in the past two years. I have been a victim of self-doubt many times but the two of you who have seen me in my better days were there to remind me of the strength I have within. Thank you for teaching me that fighting with each other does not mean friendships end. Thank you for teaching me that adult friendship could be playful and carefree and responsible all at the same time. Thank you for playing "bahay-bahayan" with me here in Sengkang... you made me see the beauty of taking care of each other unconditionally.

I will always remember how money is important because of our expenses. I will always remember that making time for each other is always possible if you work on it because you always made time for me and I for you. I will always remember how to be sensitive to the needs of others because we shared spaces. I will always remember that friends could be family too because we were.

If plans push through, there won't be much difference in my scenario but then again...we will not be the trio we were. I will sorely miss all the good times...and yes even the bad. I will miss our home.

Of course I would be even happier if we pass this test...but I cannot deny the fact that it would have come sooner or later anyway... we only wished it won't.

Some Memories from home

2009-07-04T10:34:00.001+08:00

Conquering Davao...From Islands to Highlands!

2009-06-29T13:19:00.004+08:00

It was four days of adventure like I never thought I would have again after my series of "Rayuma" and "P's". It's great to be alive.

We arrived in Davao last Wednesday (June 24) and was picked up and sent to a hotel by my cousin Kuya Pip. After visiting Tito Esting, Tita Lourdes and Tita Poleng, my companions and I (Jheng and Elise) thought we are still set to hit the road. But all went blank after we hit the bed!

The next day we hit the road early, having our breakfast on our way (Mcdo drive thru) to get to the Davao Marina Wharf on time (7:30) to catch our ferry to Pearl Farm. The resort is a sight to behold but you know it has had its better days. The staff are accommodating and always pleasant to interact with. However, our desperate efforts to find the famous marine life around the resort ended in disappointment. In fainess, it was picture perfect and the food were really excellent. Maybe the dessert table needs some improvement but ... well, it was still a thumbs up for me.

We ended the day buying pearls in Aldevinco from which we found some real steals, dinner in Yahong, and coffee in Jack's Ridge.

Third day was the highlight - Wild Water Rafting. I thought it would be a straineous activity but as it turned out...it was mostly relaxing as we traverse the calmer waters in our three hour rafting through Davao river. The sights were refreshing and the company was good.... no make that great!

After rafting, we went to spend the night in Paradise resort. We had a spanish dinner coupled with spanish songs rendered by the resort singing trio. After a few drinks and a stroll along the beach, we called it a day and were sound a sleep very soon after.

Our last day was spent half day in the beach, half day in the mountain. We went to Eden at 10:30 a.m. and ate our heart out as soon as we arrived in Eden...as in we literally charged to get plates shortly after our entrance.

Our good driver Leo sent us to get our free zip line ride at Zip city after Eden. It was short and sweet.... it was a suitable ending to our adventure trip.

Patience

2009-06-02T22:20:00.004+08:00

I am a very impatient person and I often find myself rudely interrupting, or making snide comments or making a face. So childish. I just could not control or escape some "character" defects I have and often I find myself in deep remorse. Mostly because, actually, I judged wrongly, understood things inaccurately or was just too impatient to find in my heart to understand and be considerate.

At other times, I am caught off guard without a witty, smart tirade to respond to a nasty comment that I find myself listlessly cooking things up that I should have said or I should have done...but was too late.

You guessed it right. Just now, I realized I am doomed either way. Either I'm remorseful or regretful. What a place to be, huh?

Being impatient is just one example. When I am greedy and selfish, I feel sorry for being that. At other times, I rebel and say "No, I deserve that! I should have that! I should have gotten more, etc". Regretful, Remorseful. I have loads of baggages.

One time, while at prayer, I asked God why He decided to make me when He already knows the many sins I will commit in my lifetime. Is He hoping against hope that I would actually make the respectable decision at the moment of choice? How much patience does He have for me? Will it be enough until I get this right? I asked Him fervently. At the same time asking forgiveness for sins that makes me squirm...and then telling Him I love Him though I don't know how. And He said, "It is for these moments of conversation, of union, of prayer that I made you." Then I realized, in part, why I am here... why I need to struggle...harder... although I may not live to see the day when I'm neither remorseful or regretful, I should try. I should ask help. I should bring to His feet my longing to end this vicious cycle. If only for that...I would have earned my keep.

Longer days...

2009-05-03T13:33:00.002+08:00

Yet I find that there is hardly any time left for the many things I'd like to do. Ok, ok. I admit they are not so important anyway...petty things like painting, cooking, blogging, updating my profiles and pictures, contacting a friend, reading a book, booking a holiday (which i recently found time to do by the way) or simply lying down on my bed. Come to think of it, for the last item on that list, I seem to not do it more out of choice these days as the cushion amplifies the already hot weather.

But I do find time to do two of my favorite things... that I will keep to my self for now. They keep me sane these days.

I have not been writing...as I said before, I find it hard to write when there are so many things on my mind. Anyway, update...

Since I got well, I went straight to work and have been working with no leave till now. I find it more relaxed working now because of my new teacher. I enjoyed working with Nora but we are both always tensed. This time, we are just relaxed and somehow more forgiving of our outputs given the pace we allow ourselves to be in. The children are the same...naughty and lovable. More so now that we got to know each other more.

We are also not spared from the threat of losing our work because of the financial crisis happening all over the globe. This makes me even more grateful that i still have to wake up every morning really early to get to work. I could not imagine myself otherwise. The other option would be bleak. Thank God for work!!!

I am also always comforted spiritually by the actual graces I receive everyday...I do not want to back slide again...ever! This is just a comfortable state to be in and I could not imagine my life disconnected as I was many months back. I know on my own this would be a hard conviction to stand by...nonetheless, I am praying for strength.

Recently as well, I was offered a teaching job in Jakarta but had to revoke it due to the instability of peace and economy elsewhere. It is not stable here but I believe Singapore has more protection than others economically. I know the susceptibility from external pressures and disturbances are all there but for now, I choose to stay here. For now.

I went to the Philippines to close the healing session with my faith healer last April and thank goodness I now can eat meat and am freed from all the limitations of the healing sessions. I am however still experiencing some itchiness here and there but not the same as before and I can see that my skin easily recuperates after a few ointment applications.

Here are some pictures of that little R&R

I was back in Singapore on the day of my birthday and was back at work the next day. How could I not love this job that gives me at least four vacations every year!

I will be going back to the Philippines again on June 24 for a side trip in Davao and June 27 in Manila. Will stay only for a week in Manila though.

Yeah, yeah... I can almost hear you saying..."is that what you do in bad times? travel?" Well, I am guilty of that ...don't rub it in! Promise, last travel for the year na!

My opening lines reminded me of this quotation / poem so I thought I'd look it up and post. For reflection...

Paradox of our Times
"We have bigger houses but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
more knowledge, but less judgement;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness;
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbour.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever,
but have less communication;
We have become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods but slow digestion;
Tall man but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room."

-Tenzin Gyatso

Long Silence

2009-04-29T21:28:00.003+08:00

Today

2009-03-21T21:51:00.004+08:00

It is amazing how, as I was waiting for my ordeal to end (psoriasis, remember?), I totally forgot all about it and life just happened...and life became better.

I now have all the signs / scars of my latest attack but my skin feels like a baby's! I have read similar verses in the bible and I just could not help but marvel on how God has provided me the grace to get through what just happened. But really, his faithfulness has never failed me...ever!

Nowadays, I wake up, catch a glimpse of my hand, obviously battered but totally smooth. I take a bath and enjoy the smooth touch of my skin and even feel liberated that now, I can take short showers because I need not be careful with my skin. Most enjoyable is my ability now to NOT sweep my floor for a week without burying myself with scales. What a journey!!!!

Joy

2009-03-21T21:07:00.007+08:00

I recently discovered painting and found myself enjoying it a lot!! It was not long for me to realize that life for me became really simple here in Singapore. Cooking, singing, painting, and recently, even baking. Simplicity is bliss!

I paint only happy scenes, I realized. With my drawing abilities limited to trees and leaves, the result of these paintings are most surprising indeed.

I also realized that as I draw, I find meaning in the figures I am able to bring out. Or was I justifying my drawings! Ahhahaha! Nonetheless, they all mean something personal to me. Enjoy!

Busy...

2009-03-08T17:43:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time. The most I stay in front of my computer is when i am posting facebook notes..which by the way seems to be endless these days. Another thing that is keeping me busy is watching American Idol nth season, painting, coughing and just very recently, playing Wii - golf specifically.

Yeah I know, these are great excuses for someone who does relaxing thing when she is already relaxed to begin with. I think that I am having a vacation right now, really. I am glad though. I think that if only money does not matter and if only achievements are not measures of a good life...i think I am living the best life right now.

Well, aside from that, I have been investing a lot of time in prayer and instituting back my norms. I think the buoyant feeling I have now is mostly because of that.

I have had many topics visit and leave my thoughts now and I do regret not writing them...but I'd be back in my elements soon. Meanwhile, live a good life my friends!

ok..I'm Sulking...

2009-01-08T10:42:00.005+08:00

Note: pictures that will appear will be updated on a weekly basis

But really, could you blame me? I spend most of the holidays...and now the very young new year indoors trying to understand how one body could accommodate so many Ps.

I was a complete mess when the new year came. I had scales all over, as in scales. The ones that when you touch would make the sound like plastic. If you press even more, would fall down like snow... let's just say it was an ugly version of White Christmas!

To top it all, my knees have not really fully recovered yet from psoriatic arthritis that it is also difficult to walk. After travelling from Singapore, I also found one of my foot swollen...how's that?

Last night though, I saw hope...in red. I saw that most of the skin on my arms have shed off and now left a red, dry skin (not really a patch as it's all over). I am hoping that it would turn pink and be gone forever. As I look I asked God.."How do you make me survive all these Lord? But the point is ...I survive." And a flood of peace came to me just like that.

I am NOT a strong person. I complain a lot. I take detours when no one is looking. I try and fail many many many many times. I make myself look good (theoretically) because I am afraid of flaws I know are in me. At the same time, i hate people who are like me.

And yet, when I am down in a deep slump like this, I get surrounded and warmed by the most wonderful, selfless people. When I was in the Philippines, Baby and Nanay and Aaron took turns putting ointments and oils on my skin. Tatay brought me to places to seek help and healing. Ebon checked on me all the time and made sure every new utterances of my "pamangkin" reaches me immediately just to cheer me up. My titas came to pray over me and offer me their concern and blessings. Here in Singapore, Jheng and Elise and Chello kept up with my whining, my shedding skin that is messing up the house and my inability to contribute to household work. Elise and Bulen took turns cooking suitable meals and putting my oil and ointments no matter how ugly my skin turns out.

There is no lack of grace...there is no lack of love. God is alive, present and wise. He allows my family and friends to etch their love deeper in my heart so that I would always remember to thank them and love them. I think He allows me to suffer to make my life simple. Simple that is...void of all my pursuits, life goes on as it would, as it should.

Baby told me once.."things will find its way to you when you need them already." Indeed.

My Nanay

2008-12-08T09:47:00.006+08:00

Phi, one of my best friends, once left a comment in my friendster account that as she looked at my pictures, she did not see me...but my mother. I realized it was inevitable.

Let me talk about Nanay.

I seldom talk about her because... somehow she has the talent of being there when she is not and being absent when she is present. To tell you honestly, I have better remembrance of my Apo in my childhood than that of Nanay. NO. This is not a bad thing...as I grew older, I recognized it is good. I learned to appreciate how she could make her influence and presence felt when she is not with me, and how she manages to forego all attention due her when we are around simply because we were her Stars.

Nay and I are not the best of friends. I would remember how much we would fight often until the time she just gave up on me and relaxed a bit. Of course it does not mean we lived in peace totally all of a sudden. I just felt that she already resigned herself from our squabbles.

What amazes me so much was that, whenever its Nanay's turn to reminisce, she just remembers the good stuff. The good that I do, or the things I achieved, or the many friends I have or the adventures I went for. She always seems so proud of me...ok, until we get to a point I say something bad and spoil her mood. Ahahahaha!

The thing with Mommy and me is that she is extra sensitive with me. Extra elated with my good behavior but at the same time, touchy with my not so good ones. I am sarcastic and indiscriminate with my comments sometimes, and it just surprises me how much little unguarded moments could cause her so much pain... and not to mention irritation.

As I write this, I could not help but chuckle on the fact that Nanay has always been a mixture of all that is good and bad in me. I guess that is simply because we are Mother and daughter. Its a complex relationship and I will leave it at that. The older I become, the more I accept this...I did not say understand...accept. I think this is how it is with Mom as well.

I have always said, when describing my mom and dad, that Tatay is more of a father than a husband, and my mom more of a wife than a mother. I could not say it any better.

Nowadays, she would always tell me she has no story to tell. I think what she is really saying is that we have kept her away from life to keep her boxed in things that pleases us without asking her how she feels about it.

Sometimes I hate how she always sacrifices for us. How she always thinks that she SHOULD sacrifice...that there is no way out...when there is. She just has to will it enough. But I guess she does not have the heart to inconvenience other people in her favor. What I hate the most....is that I know in most cases, I could be like her.

I have always attacked her on the idea that charity should begin at home. As I was growing up, I was so sure she is not following this creedo. But now that I am older, I am not sure. Sometimes, I hold up to that belief. Other times (and increasingly as the years go by), I just consider all of us in the house as ungrateful, selfish people oblivious of the quiet sacrifices Nanay has been pouring into the family.

That is how Nanay lives. Quietly. It is so hard to notice this at first because of the droves of people following her footsteps in any organization she joins. When I was younger I though she enjoyed the attention so much she kept coming back for more. But now, I realized, why wouldn't she? I realized I faulted her for all her human inclinations...and ignored all her angelic undertakings.

But she never budge. She went on with life as she should. She is hurt, attacked even -at home and its peripherals but she knew what was important and surges on. She may want to please us but she knew Who to please more....and to think I thought it was to please herself.

As I already said, Nanay and I are not the best of friends...and honestly, I regret that it is so...and I know it is completely my fault...and my loss. If I have not loved Nanay enough, it is because of my ignorance for beauty, insensitivity to need, and my inability to discriminate what is real from what is not.

I wish she does have more stories to tell now...I wish she would give herself the permission to go easy....I wish she will forgive herself for not pleasing everyone because of her purpose in life...I wish she would start being happy.

I love you Nanay...for what it's worth...I would never have learned to appreciate life more if not for the life you give up for us everyday. Mwah!

Walking in the Rain

2008-12-08T09:20:00.003+08:00

I was walking in the rain this morning...bouyant with the joy of knowing I am not doing it to hide any tears. Instead, there is a spring in my steps and a freedom in my heart like a child freely frolicking in the freshness around. Then it reminded me, that my life in Singapore is mostly like that. A stroll where no one is looking. A nap taken too long and no one would mind. A bad hair day that no one notices and an ignorance completely excused.

In the house, it seems like we are playing "bahay-bahayan". In school, (when I was still in school) I need not study unless really necessary - which was twice in my 6 months course. At work, everyone assumes that I do not know exactly how things should work and so my success (whew!) were applauded and my boboos ignored. On holidays like today, I need not do anything. This morning, I reheat the pizza, poured instant Milo on a cup and there it is, my breakfast.

I know, I know, I am 32 and I should not be living like this...but don't you wish you could? I mean, live your life as carefree as you would walking in the rain?

Ahhhhhcchhhhoooooo!

Ideal life

2008-11-30T22:25:00.005+08:00

In my ideal life, I would wake up at the crack of dawn, walk to church and begin the morning refreshed by it's glory. I will then walk up my porch facing the sea ready to tackle the day ahead. I will make breakfast and enjoy it slowly as I savor the sea breeze. I would then go to enjoy a lavish bath to which I'd close my eyes again as my senses enjoy the fragrance around.

After a refreshing bath, I will begin working in front of the computer and let the creative juice flow. I am a writer. If I need inspiration, all it will take is a quick stroll by the beach.

I will close my day helping out in my PUB just by a cozy cove nearby. I will not be cooking of course but I will be with regular guests who enjoy my simple food, warm ambiance of laughter and good crowd. No need to think about your order. We will serve you what the kitchen carefully planned for the evening. We will be singing, we will be dancing, we will be reading poetry. We will savor the good things in life in a party.

At certain times in the week, instead of writing, I will be driving to a nearby university...challenging my students in philosophy, in writing, in thinking. I will be talking to them instead of teaching them. I will read their work instead of checking them. I will learn from them instead of instructing them. I will inspire them instead of educating them.

On weekends, I would either be driving to a family's/ friend's house, doing community work, studying, learning a new recipe, doing pottery or sitting down with a new book.

If and when I get there...I'd let you know.

Cameron Highlands

2008-11-03T09:59:00.000+08:00

We had a relaxing weekend at the Highlands. The cold crisp weather, the tasty fruits and the great company more than makes up for the 10 hour bus ride to get there and the even more frightening 10 hour drive back (day time). It was worth it although we hope we had the time to put our feet up longer and savor the freshness of everything in Cameron.

Iwas Pusoy

2008-10-13T20:30:00.006+08:00

Despite the 234 posts I have in this blog (this being the 235th), a diploma, a bachelors and a master's degree, I was "accused" of being illiterate by somebody who never as much as spoke to me. Hmmm... I do feel bad, but then again, because of his assumption, I was absolved from something I would have been involved in should he assume I am a person of proper understanding. Ahahahah!

I do like to underestimate myself a lot...but I do find peace in non-commitment. So there it is, fault me if you would but my life can nag me about it even without your pointing finger. But as the bible says, "sit in the corner and let the host seat you in the seat of honor..." or something like that.

I could just imagine the pressure I would have been surrounded with had I stayed in my previous job as a trainer in a life insurance company engaged in unit linked products in these troubled times. God is good and wise. He is Goodness and Wisdom. Instead, I am here busy with His wonderful Special children and enjoying their company... not to mention being absolved from any direct responsibility from time to time...

Done!

2008-10-12T13:44:00.002+08:00

I am finally done with my course and sans some more seminars to attend, I am finish...FIN!

So what is next? Hmmmm...

When I was praying for my exams ( which by the way went very well...as always, I overstudied) I also prayed that I find a good job as well...immediately. I think that is what I should work on now. Besides, what good is it to pray for things you are not willing to work for, right?

What I learned in Singapore

2008-10-12T11:01:00.005+08:00

A year in Singapore and these are the good and the bad of what I discovered...

1. The grass is always greener on the other side. I came here full of admiration for this country. How their government is. Their low taxes and efficient use of tax money. How they are given GST rebates. Impressed by how short their history has been as a country and yet they have gone leaps and bounds ahead of other Asian economies. But guess what? A lot are still not happy. They feel that rebates are given to ease the blow of another price increase. They feel that their education system is no good because their island is so little and that their choices for educators are scarce. They do not have enough... Whatever complaints I could hear in the Philippines, I hear here as well...believe me...they even complain about traffic! Once I was talking to a Singaporean convincing her that it is not usual for idle lands to be flat green with bermuda grass and for the streets to be totally free from even dry leaves. She replied smuggly..." Well other countries can have that too...they just have to pay their taxes"....and went on to complain about her tax deductions. Of course, for someone from the third world, I just give her a grin. :)

2. Passion in being THE BEST, THE FIRST, THE ONLY is what paved their lives forward. Everyone wants to contribute to their nations pride. Excellence is in their psyche. Yet, along with that, I can also see simplicity in the way things are done. Whatever things they do, they make life easier, systems user friendly and priorities in tacked. Government programs include, promotion of family building, pairing up singles so they should marry, eating two servings of fruits and vegetables everyday, increasing the practice of social graces, those sort of things.

3. Cultural Tolerance is possible only to a point of Usefulness. Singaporeans tolerate foreigners only because they help to do what they themselves do not want to do. At first, I was amazed of how diversified people are in this part of the world that I thought they were culturally tolerant. This is until I realized that it is only so because there simply isn't enough people here who can do too low or too high demand jobs. But inside, they grudge that the pie is getting smaller and smaller for them to share.

4. This is simply a SMALL country. It is like living in a water pod. Imagine growing up, working, building a family and growing old in Quezon city? In Singapore, you simply have to get out of here sometimes... it could get suffocating.

5. You are what you think you are. Singapore has succeeded in putting up the facade of success, stability, beauty. In most respect, it appeared so true that everyone believed it and so they went. Image is everything. Are they more intelligent than others? Nah. Are they more hardworking? Nah. Are they more good looking? Nah. But look at where they are. They just have a winning attitude. They just think they are more beautiful they dress up well. They just think they work hard ....that's why they feel so tired....ahahahah! Truth is, truth is relative.

Photos from Flikr

Waiting for a Test

2008-10-04T22:08:00.005+08:00

I have always been good in taking tests. I just have to state a fact. I am better at taking tests than crafts or any other artistic endeavors (except maybe for singing). I am better at static facts than in fluid, creative ones.

But my perception with regards to my ability in taking tests is challenged everytime i study for one. I just can't say..."I'm done" or "I'm ready!" until the day of the test. To make matters worse, I do not cram and so I tediously go through my notes over and over until the day of the test is over! I simply can't STOP Reviewing! I'm going mad over nothing and have a tendency to over prepare...I tell you, it's not easy. I'm going mad!

Let's get this over and done with. After 8 October...I'm a free woman!

* Photo taken from Flickr

Indulgence

2008-10-01T11:46:00.003+08:00

I find myself indulging in time wasters (does that include bloggin?) these past few days. I then find myself yearning to crawl back to how things were...when I am still pampering myself with prayer. And because I cannot do this alone, I need all the grace I need (do pray for me). And just as I have been indulging myself these past days, I'd like to tell you about a different indulgence... Indulgences from the Church, poured out to us out of Jesus' merits from His sacrifice on the Cross (and this is "bottomless" so to speak). These indulgences instead of pulling us away from God's grace puts us to the heart of it, closer to God through His Mercy.

So how do you prepare?

You should be a baptized Catholic
You should INTEND to receive the indulgence
Receive holy communion on the same day
Pray for the intention of the Pope (Our father , Hail Mary offered for his intentions)
Go to Confession within one week before and after the date
Exclusion from any sin, even venial sins.

On what occasions do you get them? Everyday if you want! When you do at least ONE of these...

Visit to the Holy Sacrament for half an hour
Reading the Bible for half an hour
Stations of the Cross
Praying the Rosary in Church or with Family
Visiting a parish on their Feast day

Those are the easy, handy ones. Of course you could make extra effort to remember these Occassions too...

March 19 - St. Joseph's Feast Day
June 19 - Sts Peter and Paul Feast Day
September 14 - Exaltation of the Holy Cross
September 29 - Feast Day of teh Archgangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael
December 27 - Feast of St. John the Apostle
All Holy days of Obligation
All Fridays of Lent
At the hour of death ... it's never too late!

But wait! There's more!!!!

Partial indulgences are also given when we offer up our sufferings , work, say small prayers, etc.

"In God's mercy, not a tear from a repentant heart is wasted."

REMEMBER THAT CHECK!

To Bring You Close

2008-10-01T02:01:00.002+08:00

What can I say? My charm just can't be denied! My avid fan in action!

From KD

Before you Speak... Listen!

2008-09-30T23:57:00.004+08:00

I was doing my usual lunch duty...that was made especially pleasant by the fact that it was raining here in HOT Singapore.

Then I saw a student holding a pen with a shamrock/ clover leaf figure on top of his pen that lights up everytime he presses the ballpen tip to write. I asked him if he even knows what the figure was called. Of course, the intention was to "add to his knowledge". This was the reply: "I don't know..." and before I could mutter another word he continued, "But this looks like the figure on the Irish flag!" Ok, so goes for "sharing knowledge!"

Of course the Irish flag does not have that on it's face. And so i googled for pictures that made him say that. A friend even went on to refer me sites on the history of why the Shamrock is a symbol of Ireland. Gosh! And I thought I had something to say!

Well, just for your info, my beloved readers, The Shamrock is a symbol of the Holy Trinity, one body, three persons. Now, ok, as if you didn't already know, right? :)

Trying...

2008-09-05T20:18:00.003+08:00

Each day, I sit down and reflect. Of course there are days when I tell myself I am not reflecting...I am justifying my state of life right now. I am telling myself that I am not lagging behind my age mates (which I am). I tell myself that i am in a job I want because I do not want pressure ( which is true - i do not have pressure - until I ask myself sometimes What the h_ll I am doing in this ditch #$%@! - and then start to pressure myself!). I tell myself I am finally making progress in spiritual life ( which never feels true because just when I am feeling all triumphant, I get in squabbles with someone over anything unimportant and totally send me spiralling out of track again). I tell myself..."So what if I am fat!" (Yeah right!). And then I tell myself that I know and focus on what is important. This, however, I cannot contradict because - indeed whatever I have, with the little that I have, I know are all important.

And then I start to calm down and feel reassured that life is not bad after all.

There is much in life that I understand...and much more that I don't. But I always try. Anyway, life is not static and it will never be. Things and events and decisions unfold continually and it will never reach it's full meaning until the end of life.

"All you who are tormented and afflicted, labouring beneath the burden of anxiety and desire, cast it aside by coming into me and I will refresh you, and your souls shall find the rest of which your desires rob you" - (Reflections: St. John of the Cross)

This Time Last Year2

2008-08-31T22:45:00.002+08:00

This time last year I was preparing myself for my Singapore adventure. I was having cold feet no doubt about that. However, it got buried under the many things to pack, people to say goodbye to and the many unfinished business I should attend to to seal my Philippine existence. I was finishing articles for the church, finishing modules and turnovers and clearance in the office.

Looking back, I guess I was able to take the leap because I was just too busy to stop and think. I was all into going to Singapore that I was just a runaway train unable to put on a break.

Yeah, I was convinced that living in a foreign land will give me the break I need. I will be more successful. I will meet new people (no, romance was not in the picture). I could start anew in my search for God as well.

Where has the year led me? I am (still) peacefully living with the people I went here for and with. I am one subject into getting a diploma in Learning Disability Management. I am a teacher assistant in an International School. I am able to spend adequately for my adventures and education (thanks to loans) and at the same time have "some" money in the bank.

Is this where I thought I'd be? Again, I was not thinking.

I am again posting a video of The Secret. Next Year, I plan to make a video of a testimonial.

A C+?!?!

2008-08-17T21:42:00.001+08:00

My Lakbayan grade is C+!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

Splurging in Penang

2008-05-20T00:09:00.001+08:00

It was a series of impulsive decisions after another that led the three of us (Jheng, Elise and Me) to a weekend in Penang. Jheng wanted to buy a laptop (Ok, you'll see later why this is relevant...be patient!) I didn't even want to go as I don't have money. She found her laptop, Lenovo and decided to buy it. After a while, she excitedly told me it comes with a free airline ticket to Penang, of Phuket, or Langkawi. I ended up buying two laptops so we could come with Elise. So much for sticking to a budget!

And so we planned our get away to Penang, our chosen destination. Since our Airline tickets (Malaysian Airlines) are free, we thought maybe we could splurge on the hotel. Having stayed in a Shangri-La managed hotel in Kuala Lumpur before (and greatly delighted by it) I decided to pursuade them to go to the best hotel in Penang since we figured it's not exactly a picturesque location anyway.

So we decided to rent a S$500 a night room in Rasa Sayang Hotel Penang, said to be the best hotel in the area. True. It's wonderful. Plus because we chose the Rasa Wing, we were preferred guests and simply could not keep up with all the eating. We were welcomed with cold drinks, cookies, pistacio nuts and an array of other munchies I do not know the name of plus a box of Orchids. When we went inside the room, there was warm tea and fresh fruits. The pool was salt water and is soothingly warm. The toiletries are branded (Aigner). Cuisine is superb and service is good. The room is not WoW because it's an old hotel. Being a Filipino, the beach is nothing extraordinary as well. Nonetheless, we enjoyed our stay and it justified the price.

The next day, after dozing on and off complimenting the heavy breakfast, we got ourselves a cab to go around shopping areas of Georgetown. Not really pleased...I should say. Penang is a small area with wonderfully simple people and their commerce is as simple as they live, I guess. We rented the same cab to go to Penang Hill the next day and it capped our restful little vacation. The cab driver then took us to the airport for our afternoon flight back to Singapore.

Would I come back to Penang? Well, maybe given another free trip perhaps. :)

Living in Singapore

2008-05-17T05:44:00.005+08:00

When I went back to the Philippines a month back, I was often asked about my life in Singapore and frankly, there is not much I could say. Not because it is unpleasant but because it's simply...steady. For an ordinary foreigner living in this foreign land to work, there is not much that you can say, really. But then, time and again some jolts of surprises (or should I say mistake) spice up your stay and you learn even more from living as a foreigner in Singapore.

Just recently, I lost my card that says I am eligible to stay in Singapore to work. Six months ago, I lost all my passport, letter of endorsement to get a pass, birth certificate, transcipt, etc. placed in a FILO that bears all the story of my life. A little before that, a real estate agent tricked us of our money and was on the verge of paying another few thousand dollars for a house we newly rented (whew!). Otherwise, it was smooth as silk living here. (Hah!)

No, really. These are narrow escapes from exile but...

When i lost my wallet with my work pass, it just took me 20 mins to have it replaced. My credit cards were blocked and requested in 5 mins. My local ATM was replaced over the counter.
When I lost my FILO in the MRT, the good people of Singapore saved it, returned it to the MRT personnel and they in turn called me (repeatedly even) until I was reunited with my IDENTITY.
When our real estate agent ripped us off, our good landlord saved the day and we got our money back plus a trusting relationship between us and our landlord emerged.

So enough of the exceptional days... what really goes on in Singapore can be written down because anyway... they are as predictable as the setting and rising of the sun.

Work Visa Holder, Permanent Residents, Citizens

Many of our next discussions will have a mention of any of these. So let us differentiate before we proceed:

Work Visa Holder:

Foreign workers who are new to Singpore or have opted to remain foreigners working in Singapore. The basis of their stay in Singapore is because of their work. They are I think allowed to own properties here under specially allocated properties for foreigners. Some benefits and rates accorded to to Permanent Residents and Citizens will not be given them. On the other hand, they are also not deducted the CPF (Central Provident Fund).

Permanent Resident:

After at least six months of work in Singapore, S Pass and above work visa holders can apply for Residency. Upon approval (which usually takes 3 months max from application), you are now allowed to stay in Singapore as a resident with or without work. As mentioned in my previous post, a PR status is required in most work especially in government offices and the financial sector that requires licenses. Singapore PRs have many benefits including lower rates for schooling, for housing (should you buy one), medical fees, etc. One major difference is the deduction of CPF from your salary. This will range from 4% -15% gradually. There are pros and cons of course... you have to tighten your belt...but at the same time, since your employer will be contributing the same amount as you are contributing to your CPF, more money in the pot. When you decide to leave Singapore to pursue your dreams back home or elsewhere, the CPF money will be given to you. Otherwise, if you plan to stay here for the long haul, then you could apply the money in your CPF to buy a house or for your retirement.

Citizens:

The Singaporeans and naturalized Singaporeans. Filipinos who have had their PR status for five years or more will be given an option to renew as a PR or as a Citizen renouncing your Filipino citizenship. Then you would receive the full preferential benefits Singapore accords to their Citizens. Depends on your priority Kabayan!

Currency and Money matters

Singapore dollars is one of the most steady currency in terms of exchange rate in the Philippines (SGD1 = around 30). It does not appreciate much but neither does it go down sharply. I still get confused with spending in the tens rather than in the hundreds and thousands that sometimes I overspend or even at other times, I forego what I should have purchased thinking that its pricey (or is it just my Math skills?)

Housing

There are different residence in Singapore (apartments, HDBs, Condos, serviced apartments, landed properties) but the most common residence for Filipinos here are HDBs and Condos. HDBs are government housing (?) owned by most Singaporeans (before they buy their Condos and rent out to foreigners). In the beginning, agents say, Filipinos will only opt for Condos. We can afford this because often, the rent is shared among friends/ family. However, with the recent spike on rental since around March of last year, HDBs became the refuge for Filipinos.

Luckily, some Singaporeans do know how to decorate and furnish their flats that sans the ammenities and security in a Condo, it might even look better than Condo flats. If you happen to chance upon one, as of posting, three bedroom flats would often cost SGD2,000 and above.

Condominium living in Singapore is still ideal though. With all the ammenities of a pool/pools, barbeque pit, koi ponds, gardens, playground for kids and adults, gym, club house with function rooms, some would even have bowling alleys inside, it is surely a pleasant place to stay in after a hard day's work. And having a security guard at your service is the best part although not frequently needed.

How do you look for a home? Well I did mention that there are pinoy websites where people post for additional room mates, or Filipinos who have been HDB owners themselves who want to rent out rooms or their flats.

Otherwise, there are advertisements in the newspaper. Usually this method is employed by those who do not want to pay an agent (see how much they charge in my previous post). But I would not suggest you do this if it is your first home here in Singapore. Why? The extra money you'd pay the agent will give you a.) more options, b.) help in paper work, c.) advise on many matters regarding rent and how to get the best deal even in settling down your new place (contacts for the plumber, aircon cleaner, cleaners, etc).

Sadly, recently we have been hearing of stories about bogus transactions between owner and tenant/ agent and tenant that are discomforting. One modus operandi is for an owner to agree on the price, get a deposit, and then at the last minute back out and not return the deposit anymore. Our case is another one where the agent did not remit (immediately) our deposit to the owner. Will hiring an agent minimize this...probably, probably not. However, it will not do you harm to hire an expert as added buffer. It is best to seek the recommendation of your friends rather than just advertisements.

Singapore Permanent Residents are allowed to buy HDB estates. I cannot write now of the requirements and special conditions for this now but will soon do when I get the details.

Government agencies

ICA

The first government agency that a Filipino aspiring to work or is working in Singapore will encounter will be ICA. This is the agency that issues the long term social visit pass (even up to 5 years if you have relatives who are Permanent Residents here) , extension of social visit pass (up to 3 months with a sponsoring citizen or PR) and the EPEC. It is a stone's throw away from Lavander MRT station.

Q numbers are issued at the relevant floors in the building and this is the first thing you should always get in government agencies here. It is not unusual to wait for about three hours for your transaction to finish but nonetheless, just bring a book and you'd be fine. The nice people in the ICA counters are firm yet accomodating. Having all your documents (passports, birth certificate, transcripts, diploma, etc) could come handy depending on your transactions.

It is best to go to ICA on Tuesdays to Fridays. Visit very early in the morning as there is frequently a long Q. A range of Q numbers can get their papers the same day. After that, you will be accommodated but you would have to go back the next working day to claim your documents. So it pays to be early.

MOM and your Work Visa

After finding work, your employer will direct you to the Ministry of Manpower for the issuance of your permit to work. There are several work visas that may be given depending on the type of work, experience and salary you have. Do look into the MOM website for your specific requirements. Unlike in ICA where Q numbers are issued at the corresponding floors, Q numbers in MOM are all issued at the ground floor. The numbers will direct you to where you are supposed to go. Q-ing up in MOM will take a long time so do take a book.

After your application is processed, you will be asked to complete the medical required for the visa. If you were recently an EPEC holder who have done your medical, that medical check up result will be valid for the next two years, thus you will no longer be required to do the medical for your work visa. This process, including the medical and the actual claim of the card will take about three days. However, as long as you have the in-principle letter of approval from MOM, you can already start working. This is applicable for Employment pass holder and above. Those working under S Pass, only upon application in MOM will you be allowed to work. Other companies though, in dire need of manpower, will use this time for you to go on training under a training allowance.

After the issuance of your work visa, do remember to bring it along with you at all times. In Singapore, everything needs an identification card. Singaporean Citizens have their IC's and foreign workers have their work visa card. You use this to apply for a phone line, a bank account... no other valid i.d. is taken except for this and passport. If you have both, both will be required for all important transactions.

Needless to say...you have to be very careful with it. Having lost mine once, it becomes really stressful knowing you do not have your pass. But have no fear, just go to the MOM/ Work Pass office and they will replace it within 3 days. Application will just take an hour max. After application for loss work visa, you will be given a letter and it will serve as your visa for the duration of time you still don't have your card back. I myself was able to leave for Penang without my work visa. I just showed the letter in the ICA counter at the airport and presto...I was let in and out of Singapore.

With your work visa, you are considered a resident of Singapore. Not a permanent resident, a resident. Therefore, at the airport, you can line up at the Resident /APEC card holder for shorter Q. There will be no stamping on your passport in Singapore too.

Whenever you change work, you have to change work visa because your stay in Singapore is tied up to your pass. If you get out of work without a new employer waiting, you only have two weeks to stay in Singapore. EPEC cannot be applied twice. Your only option at this point would be to look for a new employer or go home and do the steps (sans the epec option) over again.

You also have to inform the MOM about your change in address should you change residence.

Philippine Embassy

As an Overseas Filipino Worker, do remember to register for OWWA in the Philippine Embassy. I don't really know how this helps but one thing i know, you can save on travel tax and terminal fees with your OWWA membership. I think you also get an insurance from our government.

Upon reaching the Philippine Embassy, which is in a place I so far get to only by taxi, you also get a Q number from the gate. It is a small office so you won't get lost when you enter. Your OWWA application and papers will all be given to you on the same day. Please do bring a photocopy of your passport and work visa. Needless to say (but I am saying anyway) you can only apply for OWWA if you already have a work visa.

Everytime you visit the Philippines, you have to get an EXIT PASS. This pass will entitle you for a free travel tax (P1650) and terminal fee (P700) because you are an OFW - not bad! You need not get the exit pass when you are going elsewhere, however. You can also get the Exit Pass in Lucky Plaza (the Filipino mall!) along Orchard Road on Sundays. The Q will be longer here though because it is easier to go here than in the Embassy. However, you cannot transact the application of OWWA membership in this counter. You can get multiple exit pass at a time if you are traveling frequently to the Philippines. Each Exit Pass costs around $5 or $6. Bring your ticket, work visa and passport with you. The counter is located right beside iRemit. Right next to it too is the SSS counter where you can transfer your SSS membership to Singapore and continue your contributions through iRemit and receive your benefits here in Singapore.

Filipinos with a PR status in Singapore is no longer required to get an exit pass. This will also mean that you would have to pay the travel tax and the terminal fees again...but I heard at a reduced rate.

Police

Police stations are usually located alongside their community centers although I have seen one under an HDB estate. This is where you go for all your complaints. A police report always comes handy when things do not go well. When we were victimized by an agent, we went to complain here- more precisely, our landlord lodged the complaint here. Citizens and Permanent Residents go to the outpost to inform them of change in address. When I lost my wallet and work visa, I was advised to go immediately to the police outpost as the police report will be necessary in applying for my work visa replacement and my bank atm.

Remittance and Balik Bayan Boxes

The most famous place (if not the only place) you can do this is at the Lucky Plaza along Orchard Road. I saw Metrobank, PNB, iRemit as the most frequented stalls there although I did see some western unions etc. The rates are quite uniform for all, it may be the location and convenience of the recipient or the fees they charge that would spell the difference and preference of our OFWs. Bank to bank is most popular although for provinces, remittance through door to door still applies.

Couriers are also aplenty in Lucky Plaza. Boxes big and small are displayed in a number of shops especially on the third and fourth floors. Shipping fees will range from $50 - $130 depending on size and destination of balik-bayan boxes. Once you have a record in these firms, some of them offer delivery of balik-bayan boxes to your homes for free. After filling them up, you can call for them to pick it up again with no difference in charges. Shipping your "pasalubongs" is the most cost efficient way to send by bulk to our homeland...especially if they don't amount to much but is just as heavy (canned goods, small items from Ikea, etc.)

Schools

Each community will have a primary and secondary school for your kids. Additional schools run by churches and religious orders are also aplenty. International schools are also sprawling. It all depends on your budget.

Of course, the most cost efficient way to school your children would be in the local schools. Children of OFWs are allowed to enter the Singapore school system. You also have to be ready because I heard they are quite rigorous and strict especially past primary level 3 (grade 3). The cost will be significantly lower is you are already a Permanent Resident.

Some terms : A level = our high school graduates; O level = graduates of junior college (JC) two year courses in our lingo; Diploma/ Certificates= after O levels but may be finished in a year diplomas- closest to us would be special courses equivalent; Poly Graduates = (i can be wrong) our vocational graduates; Degree, Masters, Ph.D = Bachelors and Post Graduate Degree holders.

Church

Singapore is liberal in Religious practices. I am Catholic and I do not find trouble looking for Catholic Churches and even communities in Singapore. My guide is the Veritas site. You can check for church locations, time of services and the latest news in the archdiocese. The Catholic community here is vibrant. There are even Filipino masses in some churches on a regular schedule. But as in anywhere else, the warmth of the community is in direct proportion to your desire to take part in the community life. Other religious denominations also abound.

Shopping

I need not say anything about this. Ika nga ni Elise : "Kagandang Bansa!"

Household

I have already discussed previously about the housing arrangements by Filipinos in Singapore. Maintaining a harmonious relationship inside the house is vital in your survival. You cannot be one foot in and one foot out in your commitment in living in a place with friends. Even if you are on your own, your tenancy in the house you have will dictate commitment for a period of time. This may seem common sense but with uncertainty of work - or sanity... it is helpful to keep in mind that co-existence requires your full commitment.

Household chores and expenses are shared. Expectations should be spelled out and in my experience - notice should be given whenever one feel discomforted by anything happening in the house instead of our Filipino practice of just adjusting and letting it go until you are full to the brim. Be kind to yourself and to your housemates, they may just be waiting for you to tell them your expectations. Tact is essential. Sensitivity to the needs of others a requirement.

In our household, we cook for each other to save on "eating out" on weekdays. We each have an assignment and we eat whatever is served... ahahahha! No worries about this. We all learned how to cook in Singapore.

If the unit you get is furnished, you are most likely to get a washing machine and air-conditioner in every room. Laundry schedule should be arranged as clothes lines are limited. Arrangements in the use of air-conditioner should be clear so that no one over uses the AC while everyone divides the PUB (utility bills) equally.

We also contribute equally to the grocery pot because we cook and eat home plus the laundry paraphernalias and cleaning materials and the daily bread and egg and milk supplies. For our household $60 is enough per person.

PUB expenses include the water, electricity and garbage disposal fees (with some it also includes the gas for cooking) in a household of three bedrooms would cost around $180-$250 depending on use.

Phone bills will also differ. Our household have a wireless, land phone and mobile phone (which was assigned to me) which we pay for $70/month. That includes a handphone unit for me tied for two years. But we usually pay including our usage for international calls about $150 a month which is not heavy because we also use skype and yahoo to communicate back home.

Room rent for our household depends on the size and type of room you have. A percentage of which is multiplied to your rent for the flat. So you could be renting a room as low as $500 to $800 or more depending on your flat's rate.

Household help will only be needed when you have little kids in tow and both parents are working. I think the going rate is about $450 a month for a help coming from the agency excluding initial fees and monthly levy for workers paid to the government. So expect to fork up $700 to $800 for house help. We do get some help sometimes at $10/ hour for ironing and cleaning of the house when needed. Minimum is usually 3 hours per mobilization.

So there you go... rent, pub, (household help), communications, grocery, ...your staple household expenses. On top of these would be your personal transportation and lunch expenses.

Aside from Money

I think I have been focusing on the expenses heavily on this blog. But it IS necessary for your decision making don't you think. Of course my indications are for an ordinary worker like me. The expenses you have will depend on the lifestyle you wish to practice while away from home. I could say that based on the fact that I am single, low maintenance and with little obligation, I live comfortably on the expenses mentioned above.

But aside from money, I enjoy the fact that parks and recreational activities are within your reach in Singapore. A lot of travel iteneraries are within reach (Malaysia, Australia, Indonesia, Thailand...) and affordable. Community centers offer special recreational courses. You can volunteer on a number of initiatives. It is a small place buzzling with activities. Nature reserves abound for your outdoor activities while at the same time (and in the same vicinity) gimmick places and malls are sprawling. If safety is a major concern, it IS safe here.

But I guess, with the length of my blog post, you can only screen information according to your guts. If you think you should go, you would. If you think you shouldn't, you wont. With or without this article. Do pray before making any steps because we are called to be in a variety of places and situations so none of the things that I said will matter in the greater scheme of things. Hah!

Finding Work in Singapore

2008-04-30T12:53:00.012+08:00

Lately, I have been receiving questions about going here in Singapore and finding a job. I remember myself in the same shoes almost a year ago. I have plenty of question but deep inside, all I wanted to get is an assurance that I will find work and be able to settle in Singapore for good.

So, i'd like to mention first and foremost that none of the things I will be writing following this line can give you a GUARANTEE. They can prepare you on what to expect but never to give you an assurance. Having said that, let's take a look at how to prepare for you for Singapore.

SOCIAL VISIT PASS

Social Visit Pass in Singapore issued directly from the Singapore airport could only be up to 30 days at most. You must remember to book a two way ticket as one way ticket without properly applied residence or work papers is a no-no. I have a friend, who found work in Singapore while she was still in Manila bought a one-way ticket to Singapore and was asked to buy a return ticket despite having an employer here already. It would be wise to arrange for reimbursement of these expenses with your employer. If you still do not have work in Singapore and intend to find work here, you can only come in as a tourist and again, stay only for a maximum of 30 days, if you are young and single...be prepared for questions, not in Singapore Immigration but in the Philippines... alam nyo na.

EPEC

For you to extend your stay in Singapore for a longer period of time to find work, apply for an EPEC (Employment Pass Eligibility Certificate) before coming here or while you are here. To apply, follow this link or for FAQ click here. For me, it is better for you to apply before you come to give you an assurance that you can stay longer if needed. Others say that it is better to file your EPEC application when you are already here in Singpore (mas madali daw pumasa). This would have pros and cons - if you resign from your work prior to coming here... hmmmm...applying for your EPEC in Singapore would be a bit too late. However, if you are just testing the waters and can afford to take a leave for 30 days, you can take your chances applying for your EPEC from here.

Thinking that you can find work immediately is not true for everyone. Another thing to remember with EPEC is that it is not a guarantee for you to get work here. It is used mainly to give you time and a proper pass to stay here for the purpose of finding work. You cannot study, work or do business here with your EPEC. You are simply a visitor given time to look for work for a year.

You apply for your EPEC thorough a simple form on the net. They will reply within 7 days from your submission. One reply will ask you for more papers like transcipts, valid I.D. etc. Another reply is a straight out "No, you did not pass." Who will pass and who won't? I'd say, who knows? Surfnux's blog on EPEC and the discussion that sprang from comments on this article was such a great help for me when I was deciding to come here. So do find time to check this out. The threads on this blog just shows that no matter how and where you got your degree, you cannot tell if you'd pass or not in applying for EPEC.

After receiving a confirmation by e-mail that you will be given EPEC, they will send you a letter stating the same within 21 working days. This paper is what you will give in ICA (Immigration and Checkpoint Authority) in Singapore. Usually, you will be given two years to apply the said pass, and a one year valid pass after you apply them in ICA. That means, if your letter was dated May 15, 2008 you have till May 15, 2010 to apply for EPEC here in Singapore. When approved, your EPEC will last for a year. Thus, you still have time to decide, especially for those who have family and have jobs that are not easy to leave.

You cannot immediately use your EPEC in the airport. The airport authorities will have nothing to do with your EPEC so do not give the letter to them. They however can give you a max of 30 days social visit pass same as for all other tourists. You need to go to ICA, right next to Lavander MRT, apply your EPEC at least 3 days before your 30 day social visit pass expires. Here you will spend around (indicative rate only) S$40 for the application and another S$50 for the medical. Plus food and transportation, prepare a hundred sing dollars for this visit. You cannot pay by cash so load up your EZ link (card used for transportation here) with S$40 sing dollars for the EPEC application. As for your medical, you can have it in any clinic island wide.

Medical? The medical here is not as rigorous as pre-employment medicals in the Philippines. They will ask for blood sample, maybe urine and xray and that is it. Nothing gorry or foul, you know what I mean. Unless you are really not in good shape, you are likely to pass.

Having applied and complied with the medical for your EPEC, you are now free to find work for a year. Frankly, though it is good to be allowed to stay in a foreign land for a year, it is not easy money wise.

BOARDING, FOOD, TRANSPORTATION, JOB HUNTING EXPENSES

Boarding:

Many of us would think that since we know someone in Singapore it would be easy to stay with them. Think again. Much as your friend may want to accomodate you, here are some questions you need to answer first:

a. how close am I to this person?

b. does she/he live alone or with a group of other people in the same house/room?

c. is he/she renting a room or the whole flat?

d. how long can I stay under his/her accomodation?

e. do i need to contribute to the rent or the food, or the utilities?

f. is there any other option?

The usual living arrangements for Filipinos in Singapore is this: a group of people (family, friends) rent out a flat, each occupying a room. Most likely your friend may be occupying just a room in a house full of people you may or may not know. Worse, he/she is renting only a room in a flat where the owner (usually a local) also lives.

What are your other options? Here are some suggestions:

1. If your friend is living alone in a room, ask if you could divide the rent between the two of you or if two people are allowed to stay in one room.

2. Go in twos and rent out a room good for two people to cut cost.

3. Rent out a backpacker place and leave your valuables with your friends. Backpacker places are at about $25 a night.

Many Filipinos find accomodation in http://www.pinoysg.com/. So check this out first!

A room can cost $20 - 25 a night or $350 - 500 a month.

Important things to look out for :

can you cook? do your laundry? since you are looking for a job, is there internet connection? is PUB included (utilities included) or paid as it comes, aircon (it could get really hot here, and this should tell you if your rate is reasonable) , how far is it from the nearest MRT? Will I pay a deposit and an advance rent?

This is not to discount the fact that there are good hearts that are able and willing to help you out when you start out. But remember, this is a bonus, not the norm! How do I know? I was one of the lucky ones who have benefitted from the kind heart of friends...practically sisters. And yet, there were times I did not feel good, felt overly sensitive, etc. So if possible, do find your place in the sun and "mamaluktot muna habang maiksi pa ang kumot!" so to speak.

How would things change when you can finally want to settle on your own?

Rent of condo units in Singapore has increased significantly over the part year and is now pegged at $2800 at the very least. HDB or the government housing units (mind you, some have rooms better than in other condos, sans the facilities) could range from $1500 - 1800 for two bedrooms and $1800 - 2,800 for three bedroom flats. Thus, the solution of co-habitation. You also need to prepare a month advance and two months deposit for your room plus agent fees (half month for one year contract and one full month rent for two year contracts) if you decide to use one. Why would you want to do that? Because they can supply you with a steady stream of "Viewings" or pad options for you to decide. For busy individuals, this is a must. Plus an agent can guide you in other matters to protect you from lopsided deals.

If you do not have a group to join, again you can consult pinoysg.com for that. Postings for rooms for rent would be a good option when you are starting out. Rooms could range from 500 to 800 dollars. Although the option of living with people known to you should be your priority, mga kadamay kung baga.

Food:

Hawker places are everywhere. For some of us, especially those who are used to restaurants or branded fast food, this may not work out in the beginning but really...they are the best place to eat! Why? Variety, great taste, price. Amen.

Food in hawker places (outside and inside the malls) can be from $2.50 to about $8.00. Most famous of which are Variance, Kopitiam and Food Banquet. I love the coffee in these places! It will definitely keep you awake all day and night!

Restaurants, sadly will not be an option for everyone as they are always pricey ($10.00 up) unless for special occassions (when you find that new job! ) or when you need a break.

Home cooking will be best, if you know how to cook. This will save you a lot of bucks.

Transportation:

It is easy to commute in Singapore because of the MRT, bus system which you can inquire about in streetdirectory.com. Maps are also readily available right at the airport or in hotel lobbies.

Everyone travels using the EZ link cards which you can load and top up anytime in MRT stations or even in 7-11. Initially you can buy these cards at $15 with a $7 load, $3 refundable deposit and $5 cost of card. Top ups are made from $10 and above. You can use these cards for mrt, lrt and bus even in 7-11 and Mcdonalds. Fare starts at 90cents to about $2.90. All lines (green, violet and red) are interconnected to each other through interchanges.

Taxis are abundant but pricey. The flag down is at $2.50 with some surcharges for peak hours, CBD (Central Business District) surcharge, and midnight charge. But you can use your credit cards for this, just in case you ran out of Sing dollars.

Buses are numbered depending on the destination, (Fare starts at 60cents to about $1.80) the route of which you could inquire onsite on the waiting shades or through streetdirectory or SBS or SMRT websites.

Job Hunting:

Check out singapore job portals before you come here. Why? For you to check on the requirements needed, degree or experience needed. The first stumbling block I had was the PR (permanent residents) only need apply ads. Since I am not a PR, the jobs that are still available to me are highly specialized ones or are not from very good companies. There are those who are able to find work from the Philippines through these websites. Another thing you can do is apply in the Philippines and arrange for interviews over a certain time period. But if you are bold and adventurous (with money tucked under your belt) you can always just come here, check the websites, search in the Saturday papers and maybe even weekday papers and look for a job. Head hunters recommended by friends should also be considered especially for those eyeing senior positions. Remember: No FEES. Take a chance.

Some things to remember:

1. Saturday "Straits Times" is the equivalent of our Manila Bulletin Sunday edition.
2. But walk in applications (for entry level jobs) are mostly in the everyday papers.
3. Network. Network. Network. Referral was my entry point in the job I have now.
4. Attend job fairs.
5. Internet is important. You have a very lean chance of landing a job the old fashioned way - with a resume in tow, go from one office to another - look, apply and wait for response in the net. 6. Have all your credentials at hand. Original Transcript, original diploma, Certificates of employment, i.d. pictures.
7. Business attire. Good, comfortable shoes. A nice haircut.
8. Photocopy shops are not as abundant as in the Philippines. The best place to look for them are in photo shops in the malls. If you need to photocopy documents because you need to go to ICA or MOM (Ministry of Manpower), there are photocopying rooms in these institutions. I think for 20 or 30 cents each copy.

For more tips in looking for a job in singapore try these sites: Contact Singapore and Expat Singapore.

For Filipinos, living and working in Singapore is becoming popular for several reasons: it is near the Philippines and with the emergence of budget airlines it is not hard to go visit the Philippines when needed, the weather is similar to the Philippines, taxes are low (even nil for people who may be earning an est of 2800 a month), it is safe here, and with the increase in the number of Filipinos here, you will not ever be too home sick.

Is there an abundance of jobs for us? I'd say, I don't know. Depends on your profession, network or i'd even dare say luck. There are a lot of jobs but are you qualified for it? Are you willing to take the pay? What is your long term plan (take your family here, school your children here, etc.)? Will the money be enough? Does the benefit outweight the risks?

Decisions...decisions...

Visiting Home...

2008-04-04T12:31:00.002+08:00

How obscure that is....to visit your home. You don't visit your own home? But so it is for me (and I guess for a lot of other people amidst the reality of migration to other countries not your own) I felt like a welcomed guest in the place I called home for 15 years.

I went back to Manila for a short two week vacation last March 22 and immediately I felt like a visitor, and I don't mean that to be a bad thing. I felt that way because suddenly all the focus was on me, knowing that I'd only be there for a short while made them treat me special. Of course I liked it!

My father gladly took me wherever I want to go. Except for maybe a couple of times, I need not take public transport (which I always took before) because dad just drove me to wherever I need to be. Me, dad and mom frequented the malls together as if I was a tourist in their area. The whole family gathered for a Sunday lunch after we all went to the new Manila Ocean Park. My mom was willing to cook all that I wanted to eat. As I said, I was a special household guest.

So this is how a balik-bayan feels like. Sans the expenses, it was a pleasurable experience for me.

But it is not all fun. I also realized the underlying reasons why balik-bayans were treated that way. In my case for example, it was not simply being missed. My parents did not miss me alone. They missed the family traditions that are now either celebrated with incomplete family members or not at all anymore. The going out every weekend, or watching the cinema every Wednesday. They missed the endless stories at night. They even maybe missed taking notice of my little misdoings. For whatever a parent gives and receives, that was part of what they missed. As for me, they missed the noise I make, the mess I leave behind and the small things that make me me and the small things that make them my parents.

I don't mind being a visitor in our home. I liked it. It breaks away the animosity of being a staple figure in the house and time is spent wisely together because it is limited and rare. I love home....and this visit made me realize that HOME LOVES ME TOO!

Going Home...

2008-03-08T15:53:00.003+08:00

I am going back home for the first time in six months (it did not feel that long, that's for sure!) and it's the only thing I could think of these days. Well, not really. I don't fancy the luggage and everything I need to carry with me but yes, I do want to get home..ASAP.

I miss my dad and his constant reminder that we should be watching movies. I miss my mom's home cooked dinner. I miss Ebon and his whole family especially my pamangkin whose fragrance I will surely bring back here in Singapore if I could just to keep her close. I miss Baby and her many moods and secrets. I miss Aaron and his many words of wisdom...or his search for them.

I miss going to mcdonalds without thinking much of what to order because you could afford it. I miss going to the movies at a moment's notice just because a new movie is out. Or if watching a movie becomes too frequent, watching it again with a friend who needs company watching it. Here, i have not seen the insides of a movie house yet.

I miss going out for dinners and having coffee and dessert in yet another place...without ending up broke. I miss spending all that is left of my account without thinking about the rent, the grocery and PUB.

I miss having the option of phoning any friend at any day in the week and just escaping to the comforts of a coffeeshop and chat the night away.

I miss having my mom, dad, my siblings wait for my coming back home...and despite their "unhappiness" with my going home late (yet again) they would listen to my stories of the day and end up laughing.

I miss going to the dentist when I need to , or the haircutter, or the manicurist, or my doctor...without feeling like I am being ripped off because of their exorbitant prices.

I miss riding the jeep, the bus, the mrt (ok, i'll exclude Antipolo's tricycle here for obvious reasons) without wincing at the price of the fare. I miss hailing a taxi just because I feel like it.

There are many more I miss. Singapore I realize is a very similar place to Manila...but all the little things make a difference. There is really no place like home.

An Interesting Question

2008-02-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

I ride with Maria and Nora everyday from school and today, out of the blue, Maria asked us what we would do differently in life if we had the chance.

I was blank in the beginning. But it became clearer to me as we went on. I answered: " I would have married early."

Not that I even came close to that in my life... but I did realize that anything remotely related to that has been shunned away ...by no less than me... early on. Fear. Cynicism. Even conceit at one point. But even if I would have opened my doors to a possibility of this happening in my life if I had the chance, I do not regret it. Maybe that is why I was blank.

I have many regrets in life...and yet I always find myself in a safe place. That's the good thing about always playing safe. You never win but you never lose to.

Not that it is great that way but..hey, I don't need anymore drama in my life beyond what my own imagination can give me.

But I need these questions sometimes... I have been very unhappy for the past weeks and somehow, when I examined myself to answer this question, I found peace. Thank you God.

Another Loveless Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T22:56:00.001+08:00

Is it? Really? It's Valentine's Day again and I haven't noticed? Not that it surprises me. I haven't been looking foward to this day for quite a while now.

But it does not mean that my heart is numb. Not anymore, actually. It used to be but there are some little incidents that wakes it up, hope springs and all that drama. None of them really materializes but who cares? I mean love is given as much as received. I can always just resort to giving, right?

OWWA

2008-02-02T17:44:00.000+08:00

I am officially an OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker) in Singapore effective 30th January 2008. If not for the panic caused by a memorandum that was as vague, confusing and stupid as can be.

I received an e-mail from my friend last 25th January regarding a memorandum that will be out on the 1st of February. This memorandum will require all foreign companies directly hiring Filipino workers to pay repatriation bonds, insurances and some other things to comply with just because they are hiring Filipino workers (I do remember reading 3 months salary and $5,000 US). The reason being... this will be put in place to prevent OFWs from being taken advantaged of. If the company cannot pay these, the OFW should go to an agency who will comply with the requirements in bulk -thus, under a different scheme.

The thing is, if I were an employer considering two equally competent worker: one from the Philippines and one from India, who would I choose? Or even if we may have more competencies... the initial risk of taking us in would have doubled that may cause employers to take a second, a third and a fourth look into our qualifications vis-a-vis the initial and subsequent costs of employing us.

Another thing that was not clearly stated in the memo was if current OFWs will be covered by the memo. If not now, in the occassion that they will change job in the future.

I would like to believe (although it may sometimes be hard to believe) that they do want to protect us...but is this the only way? This will surely make the road to greener pastures narrower.

Anyway, this memo is now held in abeyance. I can't believe something like this could be taken so lightly. "Ooopss...di pala."

New Year Holiday 2008

2008-01-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

I visited another Malaysian city for my new year..but this time with my brother, the birthday celebrant Aaron. Even without the trip, my holiday spirit soared as soon as I saw him at the airport. I never thought I would miss seeing my family this much. My father always tells me that this was my choice and that I miss them because I wanted to miss them. Well, life is a choice and it does not mean that I am always happy with my choices.

Anyway, that is not the topic of this blog. I wanted to tell you about my Kuala Lumpur trip remember? Well, we started off in the KTM Railway station in Tanjong Pagar which later on we learned was already Malaysian soil so to speak. I think that was the best part of the journey, instead of going down the train twice for immigration, you only go down once because Malaysian immigration is done before you even board the train. And so we arrive at the Kuala Lumpur SENTRAl terminal and to my surprise, it was much better than I expected. THis is the hub of all the train lines in all of Kuala Lumpur including the train we used straight from Singapore and one directly from the airport. You will not be mugged by taxi drivers as well (as i hear other travellers say when they reach the bus station in KL) because there is a line for us to buy taxi coupons to take us to our hotel. The trip took us 8 hours in all so we are famished when we got to Kuala Lumpur at 5pm.

When we reached Trader's Hotel in KLCC, we are only too glad to see that the location was perfect. It is close to the Petronas towers but not too close (in fact it is across the towers with a park in between them) lettin you enjoy the view even better. The kind front desk personnel Eirene upgraded us (for only a few ringgits) to a top level executive room, with an access to the executive lounge that gave us free breakfast, afternoon tea (which we used as our lunch) and evening cocktails (flowing drinks, wine, etc.). You could imagine how much time we spent on this floor! We also have access to the internet in the lounge where we can print out documents as well. We booked our Aeroline bus ticket to return to Singapore through this terminal.

I enjoyed my time with "bunso" the most. How he was so much in the holiday mood and that it seems like nothing can spoil his holiday. He almost completely let go of sleep for our second night had I not told him we should book a hotel room where the Aeroline bus will pick us up. I love my brother! I mean really love him...I miss him already just thinking he will be leaving in a few days.

Which brings me a thought as I start my new year. I should go home more often. I should even considering going back after my commitments here in Singapore. I don't know, now that I am with my bro, I suddenly felt there was something not right in my leaving home.... well, for now, it is just a thought. I'll let that sink some more.

Happy new year everyone! No flashback of the year that was this year...only looking forward... for the mean time. Take care and Seize the day everyone!

To my NYL sisters!

2007-12-28T21:05:00.001+08:00

I was uploading photos on my picasaweb album and as I upload my New York Life photos, I realized I never got to write a proper goodbye to my home for two years. Quite honestly, If I would ever have a dream job where I think I've got it all figured out, it would be this job. But no, I'm not missing what I do...I miss the people I met. Bobby, Shirley, Carol, Donna, Reyson, Mabelle, Marga, Aileen, Smile, Ms. Sandy...and oh, the sight of Leah, Love, Aileen... and I felt joy and sadness all at the same time. The kind when you know you really miss someone. You feel warm..and yet cold at the same time because you know you've lost them along the way.

I knew we were sisters from the very first time I saw them. But it was not long after when we all had to part ways... pursue other goals, in another company, in another country, in another role. I miss you girls so much!

We always knew how the other is feeling, we were always willing to give in or support. We can talk for hours and still get things done. The synergy (hah!) was terrific there is nothing left unsaid but really there is no need for words...fantastic! I hope to work with you guys again in the future. No, change that, I hope to spend time with you real soon! I love you! mwah!

So here are some snapshots of our last Christmas and last times together.

Miri Christmas 2007!

2007-12-28T14:38:00.001+08:00

Miri is an island in Sarawak Malaysia (Borneo) near the borders of the Kingdom of Brunei. Simply put it is a land blessed with natural resources (sea, lakes, mountains, fields and the first island of Malaysia to pump oil from their land and water, read: PETRONAS/SHELL), where people are simply dressed but everyones' got wheels, and finally where BATA shoes go on sale with prices that makes me wish I can carry them all to Singapore!

I had a "Miri Christmas" with my new friend Vilma (thanks Och!). She graciously invited me to spend Christmas with her in Miri, and with little hesitation, I went ahead and booked a flight. I was in Miri for 6 days (from the 20th of December to the 26th) and I think I made a wise move after all.

Vilma's warm welcome and great company made me feel at home for the rest of the time I was in Miri. I can feel her hospitality even when we are doing nothing at home...ok, i admit, what gave her away was her kind treatment to my ruined "Menudo" Ahahaha!

It was a simple Christmas spent in good company. We went to parks, beaches, but the most fun is when we hit the road with little or no clue if we are on the right track. :) No worries here.. just pure adventure.

Lest I forget...

2007-12-18T00:42:00.000+08:00

Some lessons learned from my first Christmas Overseas:

1. Vacation everywhere during the year. Go home for Christmas.
2. Travel light. Either have everything you need sent through a package or buy your gifts from home.
3. Save. Save. Save.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Where has everybody gone?

2007-12-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

My housemates left yesterday on their way to a vacation in the Philippines for 3 weeks...nakakainggit!

I told myself when I got here that I will not feel sad when Christmas comes around and find myself away from my family. I thought, why would I feel sad when I can speak to them anytime through skype, the phone or chat with them through YM. Besides, not everyone will be with us at Christmas this time because Baby will be on her Clerkship duty and Ebon will be with his family.

Despite all these excuses, there are a lot of things I still miss about Christmas in the Philippines. The never ending gift wrappings (which we start in November to go ahead of the Christmas rush in Divisoria, which is an essential part of the Filipino Christmas hype), the Simbang Gabi for 9 novena masses leading to Christmas day, the smell of Christmas air (and food), Christmas carols from "makukulit" na kids, endless Christmas parties and gift givings, Friends who suddenly appear and invite for coffee..... a long list that's impossible to complete!

But most of all, I will miss the Christmas get-away with my family. The simple checking-in in a hotel room just to have air-con for the rest of the day, a change in environment and cable t.v. Simple joys of snugging up together in a cold quilted bed while we hug and kiss and make fun of each other's mistakes in the year that has passed. The sound of everybody's laughter, the smell of gifts wrapped, the sight of gleeful faces....grabe!

But I have been experiencing that for 30 years now and this year will just be different. Not entirely sad...just different. Christmas happens as it should...just like the first one.

Sofa...Sogood! Lah!

2007-12-14T20:34:00.000+08:00

Life in Singapore is as predictable as the rising and setting of the sun. When you wake up at the same time, you get to work at exactly the same time. No traffic, no disturbances, no interruptions. Well, having gone through what we went through in the beginning, this is a welcome change.

Nowadays, I ride the bus to and from school and I noticed that I am riding with the same driver and "busmates" everyday. I'm not a person who likes predictability very much and so, in my effort to "spice up" my days, I take different routes to work for the past 4 days. I go down different MRT Stations, ride different buses, change my walking route to the house from the nearby MRT. I guess adding novelty to my life is not so much of a challenge. I'm not one to be bored.

I miss my family...but yes, there are still the little "new" things in life I am still pre-occupied with. I have a new gadget, a new housemate ( a former classmate Chello), this is our last day in school so I have a new routine coming up (that definitely includes sleeping until 9a.m.!) and in just a few more days, travel to a new vacation spot in Miri, Malaysia. Of course I am nervous about travelling alone to a very new place...but well, if I don't come back, you know where I have been.

That's it folks...sofa sogood lah!

By the way, do check out these sites for some of my other activities...

All things new and ....a countdown of things to THANK God for

2007-11-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

Yup! You can say that many things in my life are new right now and here are my top three...

Top 3 We are now peacefully (?) living in our new house.

The house is very far from the city but if you need a quiet weekend, our place is just perfect. Some of the perks of living in our place in Compassvale is that there are three shopping places nearby to which you can walk to to buy anything from bread to bikes. The church is also less than ten minutes walk from our place. Add the fact that there is a LRT station right at the end of our block that leads directly to an MRT station and to the rest of Singapore. I heard we are also few stops away from a beach in Punggol but I have not travelled that way yet.

Top 2 I have a new job!

This is my 6th job in ten years and if you count the mini-jobs I've gotten into, this is my 9th. I am now working as a Teaching Assistant in an international school here in Singapore. Assisting teachers handling primary level one is a breeze compared to the work experiences I have had in the past. No lesson plans, just be there and get down to it. The pay isn't much but so is the work. So, as I decipher God's plan for me here...I have a perfect stop for my bed and bread.

Top 1 I have a new view of life and change!

This is a topic in itself but I certainly do not have the time to compose a complete blog. Of course you have heard me say this before. Like...every after I find a new job...or every after I get past an obstacle in life. I guess that is how it goes. Sometimes the lessons are the same...but they repeatedly make a presence in my life and I see it in a new light. Now, life for me is just a passing mystery. You uncover some, and am presented with yet another mystery. No worries! Every concern has an exciting answer yet to unfold. All I need to do is live through my days loving and smiling through my little boxes of surprises. Old friends become new friends. Old concerns become new solutions. Old bondages (or so it seems) become new luxuries. The times, colors and moods of live constantly change. Believing that you have reached a destination is foolish. Everything I worry about do not rescue me in times of need...yet every joy I gave out and every joy I cherish springs back with even more joy and answers.

Life now apart from my family has taught me that my family will always be close to me no matter how far I go. I do not feel very far from them ever as I do have them where they belong- in my heart.

Life now in a school re introduced me to the simple joys of childhood and the many fears we used to not have.

Life now with friends under one roof taught me that there is no use judging individual actions. There is only the person. You love them BECAUSE they are your friends. Actions do not make people. There are only intentions.

Cooperation

2007-10-31T19:34:00.000+08:00

At school the other day, a group of kids were converging under the staircase fussing about something. Curious, I went to see what they are looking at and one of them proudly declared, "Ms. Imelda, there are 3 spiders here, there used to be four but we killed one by working together!". I left the group laughing loudly, leaving behind my level one students puzzled. That in fact was the first statement with an indication of cooperation I heard from my students. Hah!

Cooperation looks like a simple, straightforward word. It has always been irrelevant to me as I see myself mixing with any kind of person or group quite nicely. As I always say, I have friends from different groups that you would not put together in one room but I manage to live harmoniously with them.... but there is always an exception. Living together under one roof.

It is not a question of personhood, I even dare say it is not a question of personalities. There are simply situations that MAKE people a certain way and for now, I am content to say that I just have to live with these situations. Pressure at work, responsibilities, change in lifestyle, "aging", etc. comes into play and ready or not, they can sting. Is it their fault? No. It is mine. I was not ready. I may have thought of our arrangement to be so simple it would NEVER hurt. I may have thought we were the same carefree youngsters that could take things lightly all the time (which I still do).

They are still the dearest friend, they are a sure help in times of need but it is now that we live together that I feel I am farthest from them. Our interests, our priorities, our moods, our closeness...times change, people change...as I said, READY or NOT.

It is now that I learn that cooperation is not a simple word. It is never DONE. It is always a work in progress. Like in rowing, you cannot lose the beat, you just keep working to be in sync with the rest. The moment you let go of the rhythm, you simply become a liability. I feel like I have lost the rhythm and even if it hurts to say, I am becoming a liability, or so I feel.

And we thought the kitchen was the problem...

2007-10-24T21:44:00.000+08:00

We entered our new house excitedly but was greeted relatively cold by our super warm landlord. We did not make a big fuss out of it and just proceeded with the turn over and were ready to move on with our lives...and so we thought.

We went out for lunch then went back home to "clean up". The hours dragged on and on and there was so little we are able to do and as we scratch the surface, more and more things need to be cleaned. As it turns out, we finished "moving in" on a Monday the 15th. All beds were in place on the 18th... and the real problem started on the 19th.

The initial "cleaning up" was just the tip of the iceberg. We later found out that the root of all our misunderstandings was our realty agent who kept our cash (some we gave her 3 weeks ago), issued a check that bounced and made up stories about us to our landlord to evade paying up. That was the last straw, we went to the police, met up with the president of their realty company and got her out of job. Lucky for us, our landlord is ready and "able" to fight this battle and it appears that we may have won this one after all.

With all initial cobwebs, misunderstandings and treachery dealt with I think we are ready to move on with our lives.

We have a very fine house after all...

Leaving my first Singapore HOme

2007-10-11T22:15:00.000+08:00

Just a month after I moved (more accurately..trying to move) to Singapore...we are moving to a new house. A more beautiful house..but less facilities. So just to remind me of how life has been defined by some of the things around me when I was in Aquarius, I have this slide show.

New Home!

2007-10-10T09:11:00.000+08:00

We are moving to a new home on Saturday...and quite appropriately, I am also moving my blogs to it's new home...Multiply. Got to this site for another purpose but I got so envious I have to have an account myself!

So cheers to our new home! Cheers to this new account! and Cheers to a new life for ME! Fight Fight Fight!

WaaaahhhhhH!

2007-10-05T11:41:00.000+08:00

"We have the greatest sea resorts, corals, unforgettable days in the sun, endless white-sand beaches, some smooth as talcum powder.”

A writer in the Philippine Daily Inquirer describing the Philippines.

And my mouth went literally dry. Waaaahhhhhh! Why am I here?

I guess you never really know what you have until you miss it. Like a stable job, a career, a family always there to make or break your day - but they are physically there, a niece who delights you, friends who you can go out with anytime...as in anytime!

I would make my life here din...if i find something worthwhile to do. For the meantime, my best friend is the computer, my link to the world is the web and my sanity rests in the hope that God's plan will soon manifest. :)

Singapore Adobo...and other odd-ventures...

2007-09-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Ahahaha! Sounds like fun diba? Well actually, I have never been this domesticated. I did stay home back in 2005 but not like this... I actually learned to cook. So far I tried doing calamares, adobo, stuffed eggplant, and a couple of dishes I don't know the name of but it actually tasted good.

I also do my own laundry, ironing. I do marketing.

No job yet...despite my initial optimism of landing a job soon, it's proving to be taking longer than expected. My family is SUPER ULTRA supportive... they just want me to treat this as a long vacation - until I land a job.

We will be moving to a new place soon! Super ganda the place! ahahah! Kolehiyala.

As for now... I'm enjoying a life i never lived this way before. :)

How Appropriate!

2007-09-18T13:49:00.000+08:00

Soft Landing

2007-09-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

I'm finally in Singapore and God could not have planned a softer landing for me than this!

I rest in the assurance that God will take care of me. I marvel at the prospect of His Great plans... a life that matters, a life that is worthwhile!

I had the guts to resign from work last day of July, giving my office mates enough time to look for a replacement, have them trained and for myself, be cleared from all my obligations at work. Me pabaon pa ngang clothing ;0!

I did not take a leave from work because I wanted to fix everything before I go. With a month to do all the turn over, there was just enough time.

I arrived in Singapore last September 2 and since then, I have nothing to worry about because I am in the care of Claire, Jheng and Elise. I have internet connection, a phone I could use, a roof over my head, food on the fridge and company to enjoy.

Last Sunday, I had mass in a church nearby. Last Tuesday, I went to the center and met up with Trichie - a new friend. Thanks to Anna P. of course! What more can I ask for?

Oh yeah, work. Well I still have to look for one... no worries!

Thank you Lord. You have, in more ways than I could even write here, made me experience your loving care once again. I am reminded by your providence in 2005...and I could not help but smile. Everything looks bright!

Leaving on a jet plane...

2007-08-25T18:51:00.000+08:00

I will leave on September 1, 2007 and the person I would miss the most is someone who does not even know i exist...

hehe...not again! ahahha! I was referring to KD...my pamangkin. ") wish me luck guys!

Leap of Faith

2007-08-11T08:07:00.000+08:00

In a few days from now, I am about to take a leap of faith. I do not know what is ahead of me. All I know is that it is time for a new adventure. I just want you to watch my "baon".

Contradictions

2007-08-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

I was at the mall recently and i marvelled at the sight of teen agers in costume imitating their favorite anime characters. These cartoon characters no longer want to look like us... we want to look like them! Is this the result of lack of REAL people to emulate?
Searching for a place to eat, i scanned through some possible place to satisfy my hunger. I then saw some obviously well to do middle aged people eating by the food court, while at the same time i spotted some students sipping their expensive starbucks coffee as sophisticatedly as they can.

I , who hardly work, am at the mall taking a day off watching movie alone and food tripping. What a life!

Seeking Happiness

2007-07-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

“I am the vine and you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will bear much fruit; for you can do nothing without me.” John 15:5

When you ask someone how he is these days, a cute seemingly harmless response is expected to follow. “Ok lang, Busy.” This response is not limited to corporate people. I have heard this response (or in a similar form) from housewives, students even people in our churches. If the person has time, he may even rant about what this “busyness” actually mean: meetings, taking the children to school, taking care of the house, studies, outreach programs, and a myriad of other activities that seem to set everything in one category: chore. It is as if, when we are not doing something, we cease to be important and worthwhile.

However, if we treat life as a chore, we end up tired, stressed, burdened, loaded, restless, confused, unhappy.

It is an irony because we believe that when we keep ourselves busy we are actually working for happiness. But happiness is an illusive word. The more we toil for it, the more it becomes unattainable.

Maybe now you’d like to ask: “How about my dreams, my ambitions, my goals?” Dreams, ambitions, goals are not bad, it is the MY that is keeping you away from it.

“If you remain in me and my words in you, then you will ask for anything you wish, and you shall have it.” John 15:7
Is it really that simple? Why then is it hard to remain in him?

It is because God’s ways are not our ways. In God, to have is to give, to win is to loose, to lead is to serve, to be forgiven is to forgive. What we seek to have for ourselves, we lose. If we do not give out happiness, we lose our happiness. If we do not give out love, we lose love.

“If you obey my commands you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that your joy may be complete. My commandment is this, Love one another just as I have loved you.” John 15: 10-12

Lord, I do not always understand your ways but in your mercy embrace me with your understanding, envelope me in your wisdom and cuddle me in your joy.

Someone once said, your life’s purpose is not about you. I say, so is your happiness. So go on, make random acts of kindness, go about your mundane jobs with the excitement you’d have for a sport, look people in the eye as you walk your office hallway and the streets, visit a sick person, hug a friend, give more than you’d want to, get less than what you’d need, pray with someone, pray for someone as if your life depended on it, bring a friend to confession, sit down and listen to a stranger, stay home and rediscover your family. Happiness is not out there. You are happiness. Give yourself away.

Abundance!

2007-07-21T16:00:00.000+08:00

After two long years, I was reunited with an old friend and mentor- Pido. He started me off this journey of writing in 2004 which i could not help but carry out up till now. Not as I would have intended as my writings remain to be "diary" type most of the time, yet it has remained my recreational activity always at hand.

I went to Fort Ilocandia last July 12-14 in a convention hosted by the company. Thanks to some people who thinks I deserve to see the convention I was able to enjoy an exciting weekend with the people I train.

Pido discussed about ABUNDANCE - it was very quickly challenged by NYL corporate politics but is nonetheless helpful for people who knows how to listen.

With Pido's talk and the things that transpired in our convention, I'd like to remind myself these truths:

Abundance is not about having, it is about giving.
You call into your life the things that happen to your life. Want to live abundance? Think abundance. Feel that you have more than enough and you will have more than enough.
Be kind to your self. Anger, gluttony, gossip, etc are indulging but damaging.
Never panic. Pause to think straight. Spoken words have lasting effects.
People NEVER realize what they were not able to do. They will only remember what they did.
Never take sides or judge easily. Time has a way of revealing the whole truth you thought you knew.

In the midst of yet another turn of events in the company, I could not help but smile and say... "Here we go again... " Nothing can surprise me this time.

God is GOOD!

2007-07-11T17:48:00.000+08:00

Life is not only composed of good times, God is quick to remind me, as always. Yet in the midst of my new challenge, there is that nagging whisper that tells me, no matter how bad things get, God will look after me. I have seen that too many times to doubt.

I do not have a monopoly of sufferings. In fact, I don’t even think my personal sufferings could pay off my soul’s debt. That is why, I am happy with God’s generosity. He knows what my heart desires…salvation. And he provides me with ways to take part in HIS salvation.

For every lesion, for every torn skin, for every scale that I force off my body either because of humiliation or simply irritation, I fight to deny myself a reason to complain. Me? Why? For what? It lessens the value of the gold mine that I am given the opportunity to explore.

Why suffer? I say, why not? If the Son of God was not spared of this gift, who am I to think that I should not participate? Anyway, this makes me in sync with the church. It makes me a worthy participant.

Today at 3:30p.m. I was diagnosed with yet another psoriasis, Postular Psoriasis. My most dreaded kind. I cried. I cried yet again. Now, I sit quietly reflecting and am consoled by the foregoing thoughts. GOD IS GOOD!

Bora Pictures

2007-07-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

Throwing All Caution to the Wind... literally

2007-07-08T11:38:00.001+08:00

I spent a relaxing week in Bora with my good 'ol vacation partners Anna, Ruby and Teddy along with Ruby's family. As for now that is all i have to say till I get have the time for a proper post. Slideshow to follow! Have a blessed life everyone!

Up and Down

2007-06-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

My many faces through my ups and downs...

Still in the Philippines! Still looking for a way to escape my fate in our beloved country. God is Good all the time... life can never be boring! :)

This is IT!

2007-05-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

Finally got the e-mail I have been waiting for since April! I'm so happy that it is in the affirmative... now all i have to prepare is...MYSELF.

What is it with wishes that when it is granted, I suddenly feel... I would have made it through without it anyway? But nah! I'm just apprehensive because I need to start working on myself now that something good is about to happen... well, it's about time! Thank you Lord!

Singing!

2007-05-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

"I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music."

- George Eliot

Came from Davao and Cebu these past weeks... and contrary to my expectation..nawalan ako ng boses during my first week of training- Kaya eto... isang kanta lang ang naisingit ko...pero live audience nga lang! Ahahaha!

I just want to share a Friendster blog entry i had nung June 19, 2005. Same thing I feel now!

SInGiNg

If I could do just one thing... I would sing.
i would sing about how I feel secure and comforted knowing that God loves me.
I would sing about how much love has been so evasive and even uneventful throughout my life.
I would sing about how excitement is not created by reality but by fantasy.
I would sing about the journey that i am taking throughout my life.
i would sing about friendship and how it is not always present but it is always permanent.
I would sing about home and how everyone should experience being at home at least once in their lives.
I would sing about emptiness and why despite the negative feeling attached to it, it is also our source of hope.
I would just sing... and sing ... and sing.... I need no listener. When I sing, I am enough.

31!

2007-04-13T10:13:00.000+08:00

My Birthday! Always something I look forward to no matter how OLD i get. Yes, I just turned 31. One year past my dreaded 30th year on earth. And yet, here i am. I live with the body of a married 30 year old, the curiosity of a 7 year old, the naivety of a 5 year old, the spirit of a 60 year old and the gimmick stamina of a 17 year old.

Quite a mix? Notice how confused I always am? I really cannot act my age...not possible. :)

I simply could not put myself together no matter how much work I put into it. I dont really know if that is a good or a bad thing.

One thing I am learning though these past few days is that time is relative. Hurrying up or stalling does not really make sense. Things happen when they should. Life happens as it should. I can only choose to live with it or be miserable all my life.

Sounds hopeless and helpless? Actually not. When life happens, one is left with healthy abandonment.

The past few days ...

2007-04-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

After my retreat, soon came my trip to Singapore with Nanay and Baby. So far my most enjoyable trip to Singapore to date. The first time kasi I was with dad, eh kasalanan dun ang magsaya so work work work kami. The second time, I was with Aaron my youngest brother, with him naman, kasalanan ang gumastos so, although we had plenty of time to go around, we didn't really have much luxury going to places that would require entrance fees. :)

This time, I am with mom and baby who's both willing to try new things (especially food) and get a to experience as many places as possible. Now lang nga ako nag enjoy sa cuisine ng Singapore... more of the different tastes of Singapore cause I don't really think they have a unique taste, they just acquire them from the people of different nationalities living there. Another thing is because now, my 3rd time to go, I am more relaxed as I know my way around the city and have more liberty touring my "guests" around. And lastly and most importantly, because now, Jheng and Elise lives there na. We all felt at home!

Here is the view right across where Elise, Bulen and Jheng lives. Who wouldn't want to take an afternoon or early morning stroll here? My mom had a wonderful time. The reason why I do not have pictures to share is because I don't have any. All I did was take pictures of mommy and sometimes Baby. Hay! I never though mom would be so picture hungry! But when all is done, I just thank God that she was with me! Last year, when Aaron and I was in Singapore, it was with a heavy heart because they could not come with us because Mom was due for a bypass operation. This year, I am travelling with HER! When we passed by the church where we prayed for her, I cried just thinking about that thought! Thank you LORD! You are so WONDERFUL!

In and Out

2007-03-30T21:12:00.000+08:00

I've been in and out of the Metro since the start of the year and I guess that will be the story of my life for the coming days pa.

But more importantly, I have been in and out a sound spiritual life for about 13 years now and I could not imagine growing old with the same tentativeness that I have. I have recently gone out for a retreat (last weekend) and I resolved to stay IN from here on. It'll be hard... a few hours after I left the center, I immediately forgot my resolutions. I need to be reminded all the time! As in... my forgetfulness sometimes seem cute but may get annoying often times. In matters of the spirit, I guess I couldn't just shrug my shoulders and say "Nakalimutan ko". I am afraid Jesus would say the same when I knock at heaven's gate.

So friends... support me... hehe.

:) Praying for you!

And Out Again...

2007-03-16T11:34:00.000+08:00

I have heralded my excitement of being able to write again too soon! I have been doing over time at work like crazy these days because of the new demand of old work...partly because I myself am excited with the new responsibilities that are given me. Anyway, I still believe life is not just about work so hopefully i'd be able to erase this spell and finally finish and go back to my normal 8:29 a.m. - 5:31p.m. time schedule!

I'm Back!

2007-03-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

Yeah. I haven't been writing. I haven't been myself lately. After my psoriasis flared up again while I was in Davao, I have been spending my days irritable or at best, apathetic. I have had times when it is hard to wake up even.

But don't worry I'm getting over that stage. I am now seeing a doctor for my psoriasis for quick relief. And yes, I do not let my pictures show how depressed I am inside...although the sight of someone with psoriasis on her face could, in itself be depressing. :)

I have a new passion nowadays....my "almost" two month old pamangkin... Kamea Danielle. Of course you saw her pictures already. It just feels so good to have an additional "family" around.

So what has been happening? Again I just came back from Cebu and Davao. When I came back, I learned that half of my officemates have been sacked by the on-going "re-organization" and so things have never been busier in the office. In the next few months, there would be a lot of changes and although I am excited with our "expanded" roles (that goes for all of us since less people means more responsibilities), I just see it natural that I explore my options outside as well. Don't get me wrong. I like my work so much it does not feel like work at all. But you know I want complicating things and destroying moments just when they seem "ok" so by nature, I might just have to disturb this peace a bit in the next few days. hehehe... and I wonder why I do not establish root anywhere. Here I go again...

March is a full month. I am starting on my new training program that will be extended from 2 weeks to a month. I will go on retreat. I will be preparing for my leave on April (Holy Week) to Singapore. After that... well, I don't know. Either way I'm excited. I guess I am back on track right now. Well I guess that is why I am back writing. :)

As promised... Pictures from Davao and Cebu!

Davao 2007

Cebu 2007

2007-02-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

Our Baby!

Pretty Woman

2007-02-14T17:33:00.000+08:00

She said she does not kiss on the lips. Luckily so does he. When they fell in love, that first kiss just felt all the more sweeter. I could almost feel the tingling sensation of two soft, cold lips nervously making that first touch .... and the warm breath that would follow....

No, this isn't me. I am watching a movie, crying. I did not cry because of my imagination. I cried because from where I am, I just knew it would be impossible that I'd be graced with that feeling anytime soon.

Who am I kidding? Myself?

I was talking about the movie "Pretty Woman" and it wasn't entitled as such for nothing. Princessess who get rescued from their towers do not weight 165 lbs. They do not stand 4'11" and they do not have ugly red scally patches on their face, arms and back.

But yes, I do want to be rescued too. And yes, kissed. But I guess I should be old enough to know that not everybody gets to live their fairy tale. Some would just have to settle on reading about these magical kisses or watching them on screen. I belong to that group. Still I continue to hope that it does not remain that way.

Cebu...again!

2007-01-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

What? No entry for the whole of January? Well it's a good thing i got a chance to log in just when the month is about to close.

This is my 8th day in Cebu. I arrived last Sunday during the Sinulog festival here...honestly, I did not join the festivities as standing in the midst of a crowd watching sweaty dancers in colorful but uncomfortable and impractical costumes isn't really my thing.

And so as soon as I landed in Cebu, I went straight to EGI beach resort and spent the afternoon with good 'ol Jun Jun, the same boat owner that paddled our way to the midst of the ocean during my last visit. He stayed with me for an hour of swimming. After my swim, i went to mass and spent a relaxing night on the net, chatting with Baby, Filip and Mond all at the same time.

The rest of the week that followed was work work work. This is by far the most draining training i've had. I have 6 trainees, and since I am short by three days, we almost always stay until six. Not to far off the real end of office hour which is at 5:30 but really, i don't do 5:30 you see. I believe I should shut down at four. Anyway, I have a good group with me so it's ok.

With the hospitality of some friends, Marga, Sobee and Agnes I also got a chance to roam around some gimmik places in the city spending time chatting, eating out and hanging out. I went to the malls (SM and Ayala), TOPS, Larshan ( i dont know if that is the spelling though, its a place for bbqs)and other gimmik places. But most nights, I would just hang out in my room alone enjoying the silence of autonomy cum complimentary solitude. hehe...

Yesterday, i went to a beach resort with my new found friends... Vince, Derek, Ian and Harold - all friends of Marga. Super easy mag beach dito. all you need is 30 mins drive to the beach, and 50 pesos and you are off! But well, my new friends weren't really as careless as me and so they did prepare the bbq, bought drinks and "puso" for dinner. We also spent quite a time singing... mga addict!

My Cebu adventure is nearly over...and given I will only have one more working day ahead... I'd have to say, I am so ready to sign off and move on...

Here I come Davao!

Cebu pictures to follow!

2006-12-31T08:26:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

May you always be blessed!

Check

Ralph

2006-12-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

I had a rather "weird" meeting with a boy today. He greeted me as if he really wanted to start a conversation. I was hesitant to talk to him at first because he seem far too comfortable than I would have wanted him to be. He started talking to me about "the work" because he saw the book of the founder on my desk. I borrowed that book minutes before he showed up on my desk in the office. He said he is an aspirante of the work as well. The first in the Philippines since 1980s he said. He checked on my norms, talked to me about the apostolate, about life in the center. He came with his mom and it's his first time to be in our office - possibly the only time he'd be there. He's 15.

Our conversation was pleasant. We talked about beauty, music, goodness, hopes, prayer. Chance meeting? He calls it "arranged meeting" of sorts. :)

Unexpected

2006-12-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Life can surprise you sometimes. There are new things in my life now that I never thought I'd write about. Then again... it happened so here goes...

Last week (I think) I said my nth goodbye to Mond who again left for Qatar. I always feel at home with this friend and it is always a joy having him here. Despite the age gap... hehe... we just seem to connect and it's fun spending time with him. Thus, the sadness when he tells me he is about to leave - nanaman. But this time...probably because he has always kept his promise of keeping in touch, I said goodbye to him as if I could just call on him and still get to meet him anytime. Till we meet again my friend... alam ko nandyan ka lang.

On the contrary, tonight I said goodbye to a person I hate. I called him evil at one time in my blogs. And yet, there is a sadness I couldn't explain. Now, I understand how I deprive myself of so much when I do not allow people to enter my life because of my impressions or experiences about them. I now realize that what people do is not what they are. If only to make life richer and relationships sweeter, from now on I promise to not judge people who judge me, not be mad at people who are mad at me, not be disappointed at people who are disappointed with me and to try being nice to people who are not nice to me. I might just get a shot at a friend I would have otherwise shut off my life forever.

I am attending dawn mass now in preparation for Christmas. First time in my 30 years of existence. I hope to complete it ... and so I bid this writing goodbye for now... zzzzzzz.....

Speaking of Boxing

2006-11-29T23:14:00.000+08:00

I have been trying to control my self from expressing some resentments...but it is not always easy to forgive. In time I will be able to forgive this person and myself.

In the gospel today, Jesus said, I do not need to think of sharp words to say to people who do not believe in me... He will supply it at the right time. I should wait. This does not seem to be the right time yet.

Like Pacquiao, I'd like to end up stronger after each round of boxing. I guess the only way to do that is to endure, to persist.

I hope that my detractors can indeed make me a better woman. I guess the nice thing about all these is that ...IT IS ALL UP TO ME.

Boxing

2006-11-19T16:50:00.000+08:00

I love the Pacquiao and Morales fight series. The first time Pacquiao fought against Morales, I thought "Who was the wise guy who thought Pacquiao can actually take on Morales?" The guy was obviously more professional, scientific and wiser with his punches. I do not remember who won in that fight or if it was declared a draw but my heart went for Morales and I admired how he fought. I felt then that Pacquio's confidence was a hype and that he has a lot more experience to gain to take on somebody of Morales' caliber.

Then came fight two. I watched again - and then I realized...."Now, Pacquio IS a changed man" He rose to the challenge, stepped up his game and conquered Victory for the Filipino people. He punched with the force brought about by his certainty that he knows what he is doing. He fought with the passion of someone who is out there to be known and prove himself worthy of his craft.

Then came the game today - Third and last of the series. It was a game alright. I think Pacquiao, with his skills, confidence and strength was able to enjoy this Victory the most. He was a winner even before he came to the ring because he knew he already conquered himself. Before the fight, during the interviews he granted, he was calm and handled the pressure of the coming fight with grace. He was prepared and he knew it. He is much more of a professional fighter now than ever. He is indeed a better man. It seems that the days of misguided passions, swollen pride and ego were gone. Hopefully.

On top of all these, I think it was Morales who made a man out of Pacquio. After he lost to him during the first fight, he seems to have realized that he is NOT THERE YET as his "kuyogs" made him believe. It was good of him to recognize that. Good for him. As they say, a man is known more in the way they handle defeat than in the way they handle victory. He responded well to defeat, thus the victories that followed.

Selfish Love

2006-10-29T14:04:00.000+08:00

Selfish love. Virtue it's enemy, regret it's playmate and pride it's treacherous ally. Scaldingly hot, yet disturbingly desireable. Can I have what I cannot hold? Satisfy my thirst when I know I'm unquenchable? For what? Till when?

Once, your shoulder was my rest. My weary head now left pained by the need to find it's cradle, my heart, its home. I'd love to pack my wings in your nest but your labour is not for my hearth. I'm still cold. Aimlessly wandering until I find myself by your door. Nonetheless...I know I'd be too afraid to knock because I know it will remain locked.

Circa 2004

The Rain

2006-10-29T13:28:00.000+08:00

I love it when it rains. Especially when I am in Antipolo.

I love sitting on our front porch, watching water fall from the sky. The fragrance of the grass seems to come along with it. THen the air suddenly becomes cool. Even the surrounding look fresher.

Of course, it's not only the sound of the rain, nor the smell, nor the cold sensation - it's the nostalgia... the youthful memories that makes it really special.

The times when I had to stay home because there's no class - which friends take as an opportunity to pay me a visit. There's also the afternoon bath under the rain. The staying under Apo's fragrant blanket while listening to the raindrops tapping on the rooftop. The tricycle rides to school even when I know there won't be any class anyway... so I could go on and proceed to the nearest "gotohan" or friend's house.

The rain brings a lot of memories. Especially when it is in Antipolo. Especially in Antipolo.

My Dad's Embrace

2006-10-29T12:35:00.000+08:00

This is an old composition... I am posting it at a time it is difficult to deal with Dad.... to remind me... Happy Birthday Dad!

My Dad's Embrace

This is a thing that brings me much joy. We are not always in good terms but the serenity, the love, the acceptance and the happiness I feel under his arms just make me feel as if everything is alright.

I always believed that I am lucky to have Tatay as my father. It makes me experience in the flesh the love that God has for me. Not always agreeable, but always wise. Not always pleasant but always loving.

I would always remember a time when I was about four or five and dad was working in his room in Antipolo, I disturbed him and he stopped what he was doing, took me in his lap, embraced me and let me pour out my sentiments over what I perceived then to be an unjust treatment from nanay. I could't recall what he said but the smile and warm hug that went with it soothes my spirit in my low moments... up till now.

He is an anchor to me. I know life will never be unfair because it has given me my dad anyway....

1/12/05

Seasons of Love

2006-10-29T09:02:00.000+08:00

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure? measure a year

in daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches,
in miles,
in laughter,
in strife
in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a year in a life?
how about love?
how about love?
how about love?
measure in love... seasons of love... seasons of love...

(female soloist)five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you measure a life of a woman or a man

(male soloist) in truths that she learned
or in times that she cried
in bridges he burned or the way that she died

(all)its time now to sing out though
the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in a life
of friends remember the love... (oh you gotta remember the love)
remember the love...(oh yeah, its a gift from up above)
remember the love...(sing out, give out, measure your life in looooooove...!!!)
seasons of love...seasons of love...

There are a lot of videos on this one but the cast singing the song with the New York Sky line without the twin towers... yikees... goose bumps....

9/11

2006-10-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

Who will keep me alive?
Not you.
Not my dreams.
I do not have both.
I'm dead.

If the Shoe Does not Fit

2006-10-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

I love someone. He does not love me.
I want to go somewhere. They would not accept me.
I want to do something. They do not believe in me.
I want to be holy. Temptation surrounds me.

There are times when things just can't go my way.

Just now, when I have nothing to write... a friend texted:
God has a perfect plan for our lives; but he never reveals it to us all at once.
Just step by step coz he wants to teach us
to walk by faith , not by sight.

Thanks Adah. Amen.

Although it is possible that I may lack faith, It is impossible for God to lack LOVE.

Therefore, when the shoe does not seem to fit... toss it away... in this journey - you don't need sore feet.

Treasure Box

2006-09-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

I wasn't treasure hunting but I think I chanced upon a treasure box today.

Someone once told me that everyone should have a treasure box. No, not filled with jewelries and the like but rather full of things that would remind you of who you are....a feel good box. This is suppose to remind you, during times when it is hard to remember, that you are WORTHWHILE.

Today, I chanced upon several boxes filled with letters sent to me by friends. Nostalgic and terribly missing everybody after my diary reading sessions, I went through them and spent the whole day ( and night) just reading ... and wondering... where and when did I loose this girl my friends have written about?

Through letters from friends, I revisited a time when I knew how to comfort, how to smile and act gracefully under pressure for other people's sake, how to dream and achieve them, how to appreciate others, how to be filled with friendship and how to be a gift to others.

And then I realized, THIS IS MY TREASURE BOX. My friends, without them knowing it, reminded me today how much I can (and EVERY ONE of us for that matter) enrich other people's lives just by being sincerely AVAILABLE for them.

I once heard a speaker say, in undertaking a Mission, our focus should not be in our abilities but rather in our AVAILABILITY. If we allow ourselves to be used, if we allow ourselves to be present, when we are available for others, the things that happen next will be in God's hands already and we are going to be left in awe.

I guess that was how I lost Check. I stopped being available to my friends. I even stopped being available for my family. I hugged my time for myself believing that I would be better if I focus on my SELF. But as they say, the more you run after something, the more it evades you.

Next time I forget, I have my treasure box to remind me. All I need to do is to take a peek.