Forever

Since January, Psoriasis has started to creep in into my life again. Since I have been moving a lot around lately, I notice but I don't care. With the cancellation of my activities this weekend, I was pushed to the corner and forced to look into my present predicaments again.

For some reason, this skin condition of mine has been acting out lately. Irritating to say the least. But uncomfortable as I am, I have learned to accept that this is gonna be part of my life forever.

Forever is such a vindictive word isn't it. No more chances. It's permanent. I hate to think that but I have no choice.

Sometimes, I wonder, is it time to move? To a place near the beach? Enjoy that immediate relief of not having inflammations on my skin? Then it'll change my life for good. I'd have to settle in on my own. Find new friends. Maybe even find a new work. I'd have to leave my family. That'll be really hard. Well, I do leave them once in a while but not permanently.

Speaking of family, this condition also leaves me to wonder, will I ever have a family of my own? Who would want a fat girl with rashes all around? Given that this condition is linked to my immune system, the more I get older and the more my immune system goes wacko, the crazier the inflammations will become. That's one sad retirement for me! Alone and itching! Hah!

And so I thought about the future today and saw that it is as gloomy as ever. There is no cure they say. Just maintenance. Maintain what? Well, this is my life. I better shape up. Find myself a good game plan.

For the meantime, i'd just have to remember that forever isn't here. It ain't here at all. :)