Screwed Up

I had coffee with a friend last night and at one point in our conversation, he laughed at me because I was describing love as if it could be measured by the "efficiency" of the person I'd like to be with.

I could not blame him. I was telling him about my current "love story" and how I decided it's just a waste of time. He said I decided so because the guy is not "efficient". He said I might as well conduct job interviews to make use of my talent.

I guess most of my "budding love stories" ended that way. This IS a pattern. I therefore conclude that I would eventually end up alone.... or if panic attacks, would end up with a complete loser, true or not. This is not good!

I don't know if it is fate or it's me. I always get interested in guys who are farthest from my "ideal" man. I would not mention how and why as i'd only be displaying my bigotry. Nonetheless, they mattered to me...as in they occupied space (in my mind) and time. Then I end up admitting it won't work and just leave the scene.

Oh well, that's life. I have to admit I'm screwed!

But I still like to think that one day a real love story will unfold before me and I would not be allowed to think anymore, or judge, or run away. What kind of man would he be? He'd be a runner. He'd catch up on me. And I would gladly oblige. Where are you? For a runner, you are running terribly late!