Life

In most cases I would utter the title above with a sigh. "oh life!" Sometimes with a tone of disappointment or resignation.

But such is life. It is swinging from the good to the bad and back again. It is juggling things manageable and those that throw us out our wits end. Nonetheless, in times when the storms have passed, the silence brings you back to realizing that indeed life JUST happens and you are a maker of experiences but at the same time, a receiver of its consequences and surprises.

I have no big disappointment today. Nor do I have a cause to be jumping up and down. This is one of those days when I sit here quietly, amused at how life "happened" to me.

I feel like a teenager most of the time. I do not feel like I have aged since I first made friends with the neighbors, nor since I was made to kneel down in front of the gate for answering back at my grandma. Not a time has passed (it seems) since high school and college. My short residence in Singapore seems like yesterday. Time has become a blur to me and in my hand I hold all days before and all days to come. What holds them together though is my today.

Today, I think. I write. I pray. I work. I laugh. I panic. I feel. Today is life happening. Today is life unfolding. Today is life. Today is "that" moment.

At this moment, I remind myself that life was given to me. Given. Not earned. I was given life to live it. Not to decorate it, or make it perfect. I live only to amuse the Giver. I live only to look out to and praise and love the Giver. Whether my life at the moment is shameful or glorious, the Giver is there watching what I would do next because that is what will matter. Where life happens, God is present.

I will never be worthy of the life given me. No matter how much riches or knowledge or love I send out, I will still fall short. But none of that matters. As long as I try.

In the same manner, life is not my reward. Life is not meant to make me enjoy time. Life is not meant to give me back the goodness i give. Life is simply my short shot at "being".

Life is not direction but decision. Life is not a goal but a process. Life is not being alive but being aware. Life is good. No matter what.