I always knew that 2005 will be a start of something... and I was right. At this point, not in the direction that I would like it to take but it is a start of something indeed.
The year started with a lot of changes. I did mention about my new haircut. The shortest I've had in .... probably my whole life. Then I got myself a wardrobe change. Then the braces. And now, a new skin.
I was diagnosed with Psoriasis last Tuesday. I guess I've known for quite sometime. But I needed a good doctor (by that I mean that her PF is at 1k) to verify that indeed it is that. She diagnosed, sent me to her treatment center, made me buy lotions and what have you(7k for that day alone). By the time I finished at 7pm, I was numb, still dumbfounded, I needed to sit down, absorb the happenings of the day and just swallow what the moment had for me.
All this time, I lived believing my skin was an asset. I don't have the figure, but I do have a good skin. It has never betrayed me before. All my life, I could count in my fingers how many times I've had pimples. But I guess the inevitable is really bound to happen.
Psoriasis is an auto immune skin disease when your skin cells over produce. Unlike in a regular person when we shed dead skin cells in a cycle of about 30 days, ours happen in just 3-4 days. It is not contagious. It could not be caught. It is genetic in most if not all cases. Some people are just pre-disposed to it. (say goodbye to health card benefits!) It is chronic. Probably, that is what disturbs me the most. That it is long lasting. Luckily, there are many drugs and even alternative methods known to control psoriasis.
What is the worst thing that could happen if I don't find a solution to this? Well, take the time of posting of this blog for example. It is almost six in the morning and I have not slept. Uncomfortable. The other day, as soon as I sat on my work station, someone gave me a scarf to put on my neck to hide the red patches already growing. In my line of work it is essential to look your best... whatever that is. I have never been vain. In fact, I do not wear anything on my face. A good splash of cologne and powder and I can face whoever. Now, it is more difficult in that sense.
But the bright side I think is that Psoriasis has its trigger points. It rings the bell ( or the gong if I may say so) to internal infection, too much stress, something going haywire in your body. It responds to your internal state. I guess I have been so dense I needed something like this. My threshold for pain and my tuning in to my body is not as developed as the way I tune in to what is around me. I guess later on I'd just be grateful I have this anyway. A more serious disorder maybe lurking in the background and this is my time to listen and respond before it actually grabs me.
But as optimism suggests - this is something temporary and it should not disturb other things in my life. Things will change definitely. In to what direction, I am not sure. I will go where life leads me. I am looking forward to its unfolding.
Everything has a reason. Nothing happens by chance. That has always been my guiding principle. And I am not changing that now.
2 comments:
what an inspiring article, i admire your positivism. somehow it reminded me of a bible verse that has been haunting me.. something like our bodies are the temple of the holy spirit and thus should not be abused... and i suppose that includes healthy diet, excercise, not to subject to stress or abuse...keep up that healthy attitude.. am proud of you...
Thanks ruby! For your kind words and support... in fact that is also another gift that I discovered through this incident. The treasure of concerned family and friends. I try to be positive... I really try. I discovered that it is the only way to put my head high again and actually seek a way to get out of this. Take care friend...
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