Acceptance

Another sleepless night.

I have oil on my head and couldn't bear the sticky feeling... not to mention the smell so I decided to stand up for a while and use my time awake to write.

I want to cry. But I can't. Primarily because if I show a sign of desperation in the house, my mom would feel more hopeless. I am not quite a good sight to behold and I know that she is having a hard time looking at me. Added to the fact that she is mostly dependent on my dad who is not here right now, I know that she doesn't know how to handle me.

I am posting a picture as soon as I get hold of the other computer. I wanted to post it because I know that this condition will pass and I want to have a picture of me taken while it lasts.

Tonight I have decided that I will not be going back to work anymore. I hope the company will give me the next month to arrange my affairs, say goodbye to my clients and endorse them to another life planner properly.

I have also accepted that because of my present state I would have to just stay put and help in our family business. I would like to believe that this is something that has been waiting to happen but that I do not allow it to happen ... and now this.

That despite my many careers, what I really want to do in life is to teach and write. Regardless of the amount of money or success I will have pursuing them, I will still persevere in that direction.

I have also decided that starting now, I will work sparingly, play constantly and pray unceasingly.

Life is an adventure and I choose to face it head on with a smile on my face.

I was looking at the mirror just now and I smiled. Beneath the scars I can still see Me. And this thought I will keep with me in case others see otherwise.

My world is shrinking but my mind is expanding. I just need a little more honesty and humility and I will be on my way to writing something of value to me. In time...