When?

Today, officially, my disease has "reduced" me to a coach potato with nothing to do but put ointments on my face, labor on drinking green tea ,finishing my helping of pasta for the day and count the hours to "The Apprentice".

Despite my mission to put my disease aside to focus on "greater ideals", it has again overturned my efforts by being "wet" and "open". My wounds cannot possibly be allowed to get dirty if I decide to hit the road, nor does it allow me to move around my room and clean up.

Limiting as it is, I fully deserve it. I have been so hard-headed in insisting to scratch and peel my skin whenever I can despite the caution that doctors and family gave. I couldn't stop tinkering with what I can because of the discomfort I am feeling. Sorry, I am trying so hard not to be graphic. But this is how vague I could go for now.

I also missed mass. I woke up at eleven because I didn't have good sleep the whole night. My dozing into sleep is just fatigue I guess. I couldn't bring myself to go out of the house as I feel the stretch of my skin and the itch it produces.

As of now, I will just allow myself to be down and out. I am helpless, confused, worried, useless, itching, but hopeful. It is only now that I understood what i thought was a cliche. That in the end, you get down to only hope.

It is evening once again. Tomorrow will be another day. As of now, I am not happy. I do not like what goes around in my head and heart. But I know this will pass.

"When? "

That is the question I am afraid to answer.