Worry

Back to worrying...

I am in a situation where I have to be very careful about everything.

Top questions being :

• should i go to the derma? the cell doctor, the quack doctor, the homeopathic doctor or just stop touching my skin altogether?
• should i listen to my derma that i need not be careful with food? to the cell doctor that says only meat and fat should be avoided? or my homeopathic doctor that wants me to die as she gets in between me and 80% of food types?
• should i take another month of leave, go back to work already, or resign from work now?
• should i really be thinking about all this or should i just shut up and rest?

I do not know if I already told you about this little experience I had in the library one time....

I saw in the new acquisitions board a book entitled "Women who think too much" , I was interested as i think it applies to me... and so i started searching for the call number only to find out it was already "on hold". Of course it was! The type of person who would read such a book would of course be two steps ahead of the others as to be sure "or else..."

I am such a chronic worrier. I do not want to. I fight and in some cases I win. But not all the time.

I tell myself not to be so self-absorbed, to take life lightly, to let things be.... but most of the time I just loose to my very nature.

I am in such a situation right now. I have all the time to sleep but i don't. I tell myself i should be doing something. I am just throwing away my vacation - read through some of my recent blogs and you'll see my inconsistency ... my struggle.

As of this time, my psoriasis has cleared in most part of my body but is now more aggressive on my face. My previously flawless facial skin is a sight to behold.... actually, to be more positive about it, i do not look any different from a pimply teen ager. With my braces to match... it surely is "high schoolish". he he...

In most of my blogs and in the whole theme of which, I have been trying to communicate what I believe in... but obviously , at this point, cannot demonstrate. That is - to live in the moment.

I guess a teacher indeed teach what she finds the hardest to live by.

As a friend of mine told me... this just brings the ballgame a notch higher. It is meant to enrich and not to strip me of who I am. It is meant to remind me later on that I was in this state and therefore I should be careful and thankful that I am not anymore. I should be able to look back and say that God was with me in this situation. I am trying to be extra sensitive to His presence these days too as I know that He is closer to those who needs Him.

Just as the Beatitudes are the secrets to happiness, sufferings should bring us joy because we are the current "favorites" and are thus being drawn ever closer to Him.

I thank my friends who are always checking on me... Anna, Mike ;), Teddy, Ruby, Sandra, Christy, Lem, Girlie, Ochie, Jheng, Butch, Tina, Mau, and to my cousins Len and Filip and of course to my ever supportive titas!

I treasure you more now than ever!

So what am I worrying about?

As to most worries ... it too is empty.