I am 29. Almost at the darling age of 30. The new awkward age I'd have to say. For people like me .... there are a hundred reasons why this may be so.
First... "Show me the money!!!!" I recall a friend who found herself computing when his father bought the house they have in a posh village in Makati. She was startled to realize that his father bought it at age 32, was then in an executive position in a multinational company, well respected and a family man. It hit her so strong that I think I just saw some respect for the man flooding back her consciousness. She realized that despite her father's deteriorating self-respect lately, he has outdone her at this age.
Second... at an age when you think you have successfully evaded the "call center craze", priding yourself for not needing to go to that direction where there seems to be a dead end career, you are beset with the reality that it may not be as bad after all! Worse, at 29 and with so little choices to go around with, you seem to be cornered to actually try it out. I have seen so many job ads looking for people experienced in this field - even for overseas positions - that I am now convinced that I was a bigot after all. Don't get me wrong. Despite bowing down to this new reality, I have not mustered the courage to actually try it out. It seems that way but I am still crawling my way out of the crowd.
Third... it is an awkward age when, like many people from my generation, you have been through four different industries (or more) , enjoyed all of them, only to find out that you are jack of all trades master of none. That is another bitter pill to swallow for me. Modesty aside, I was understudy for higher positions almost all the jobs I was into. I did well. But I did leave just when I was the "happening person" already. People liked me. I loved them back. The things I used to do, I can do over again, I think better even because of the experiences that enriched me along the way - all the fears and self-doubt that I have championed over. But recruiters do not know that! All they know is to look at the congruence of your work experience, count down to the months the time you spent in company a, b, c and d and judge it from that.
Fourth... it is the age when people ask you... "So, you are twenty-nine. What's your plan?" And I cannot answer. Twenty-nine years and I cannot answer. Does "enjoying every moment in my life" count? No it does not. Does "I am taking it slow, taking time to smell the flowers, talk to myself longer, play make believe, and rediscover my inner child" count? No. Does "I realized I should stop for a moment and re-assess what things are really important for me" count? Neither. Life says "YOU CANNOT STOP". What are you doing?! " I don't know, moving I guess". I myself have long been alienated from words like WAIT, STOP, NOT NOW, LET'S SEE. Everything needs to be sure, now, ASAP.
Fifth... and regretfully last for this post... It is the time when I have to answer to myself - and only to myself. Admittedly, that is something I dread to do. I have buried myself with expectations from others, my own whims, my own rationalizations and rested on my withering laurels for much too long. Sure, other people ask. But as in many modern conversation.... no one really cares what the answer is. ( Remember when you talk to someone who asks you a question and repeats the question again sometime after because they didn't bother to catch your reply the first time? ) But when all of life's questions go back to you... you look down to check on what you are standing on and ... you are surprised that you went off course somewhere along the way.
I don't know if it's just me.
But you see... I'm still "almost there". I'm 29! Yipee!
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