The YEAR 2005

I have been longing to write this year-ender for weeks now. But now, as the year closes... I am at a lost for words.

It was a loaded year for me and I would always remember how much of my life changed.

It seems like it was only yesterday when I was sitting in the same chair, in front of the same computer and called 2005 the advent year for a more mature me. I called it such not knowing what was ahead. But one thing is for sure, what happened after that was nowhere in my plans.

For the most part, I cruised through the year with the anticipation of a child instead. I do not regret that.

What were my plans during the start of 2005?

To finish my M.A., take up SPED, go to the U.S., save up, stay in Pramerica till it's time to leave for the U.S.

None of them came true. What transpired altered everything I was hoping to happen this year.

Now, December 2005, I am still a thesis away from my M.A. , no money to pursue my SPED course, out of Pramerica for good, and no plans to go to the U.S.

But God in His wisdom instead taught me things I was taking forgranted.

I learned to depend on others .
I learned to let go.
I learned to relax and be contented but ironically, i also learned to dream again.
I learned to be more accepting, to lessen my prejudices.
I learned that I do not matter much in the greater scheme of things but that I should do my part when needed, while it lasts, to the best of who I am.
I learned that there is no scarcity of friends, just scarcity of truth.
I learned, saw and experienced how God sufficiently provides for His children.
I learned that we live in a wonderful wonderful world.
I learned that we could not protect ourselves from hurt, from loss, from deprivation in whatever form but we could always choose to survive.
I learned that what preoccupies us, occupies our life.
I learned that it is possible to smile even with a heavy heart... when your heart rests in the right place.
I learned that only God is Real. Everything else only becomes real if it reflects Him.

These are things I already know but have no proof to tell of it. But this year provided me just that.

It was a year that made me discover and strengthen friendships. I would remember with fondness a lot of people but particularly the following...

Teddy and Ruby... for always being supportive, always listening, helping, for lack of a better word : taking care of me many times during the year. Grabe! Super thankful ako talaga. For always going the extra mile for me. I hope someday I could be the friend that you two have been to me in my trying times!

Anna, Sandra and Mau... for always reminding me to have fun, for always reminding me... ang sarap ng me kakwentuhan.

Tina, for bringing me to your O.B., for chanting for me, for your advises, for your kind words during my last day in Pramerica. I will always remember your kindness and genuine friendship.

For my new friends from HSBC, especially Mond, Von, A, and Cleo. When I went out with you guys in McDo nung nag emote si A, I did not realize then na kayo ang pinaka maalala ko sa group. Thanks for making HSBC a fun and memorable place for me.

Tita Nora, Nanay Curing, Tita Cely, Tita Nely. Thanks for preparing food for me, taking me to doctors, healers, and for taking care of me.

Syempre to my family, for being my strength throughout. For believing in me. For always loving me.

There are a lot of stories behind all these people and these lessons learned. I will read and re-read how this year unfolded. I will remember the emotions felt, the insecurity, the security, the magic, the awe, the surprise and the tears and laughter that accompanied them.

2005 is leaving and another year is about to begin. I dare not try to call it by any name... I have learned my lesson. Suffice it to say that i shall enter it with more honesty, more strength, humily, unfailing hope and under God's wings.

For everyone who reads my posts and whispered a prayer or felt one with my emotions, thank you. Thank you.

Let us continue to PRAY, hope, to love, to Be... one moment at a time!