Plans plans plans. I have been planning my whole life. Drawing up the schedule of a perfect day. Perfect - on paper. Until I get to 'd day and I wake up late, miss the first item on my schedule, get busy to even take a peek on my to do list and miss the whole thing.
Then I end up feeling I am a hopeless case, back slide and give it all up.
A lot of plans have not been working out lately...on their own. Not because I am messing up, they are not working out on their own. And that makes me feel helpless because I have no control over it.
Lately...
- I lost a business opportunity because there was someone blocking the opportunity for her own sake.
- There is a new compliment at work that I am not sure I am ok with.
- A time together with a friend just can't seem to push through.
- Gosh, I can't even go and ride my bike.
Fight or Flight? At this point, I'll take flight. There will always be a next time. There will be a better time for things to happen for me. There will be a better person with whom actual dates will happen. There will be a better plan that will push through and I will again be grateful that I did not make plans. I can't rely on my plans anymore. I can't rely on me.
I guess I need this lesson. Brace yourself Check. In place of my plans, a new horizon is being painted and I can't help but feel excited how things will work out. One good thing when things that are happening are outside what you plan for... they get to surprise you. At this point, I can take that.
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