ok..I'm Sulking...

Note: pictures that will appear will be updated on a weekly basis

But really, could you blame me? I spend most of the holidays...and now the very young new year indoors trying to understand how one body could accommodate so many Ps.

I was a complete mess when the new year came. I had scales all over, as in scales. The ones that when you touch would make the sound like plastic. If you press even more, would fall down like snow... let's just say it was an ugly version of White Christmas!

To top it all, my knees have not really fully recovered yet from psoriatic arthritis that it is also difficult to walk. After travelling from Singapore, I also found one of my foot swollen...how's that?

Last night though, I saw hope...in red. I saw that most of the skin on my arms have shed off and now left a red, dry skin (not really a patch as it's all over). I am hoping that it would turn pink and be gone forever. As I look I asked God.."How do you make me survive all these Lord? But the point is ...I survive." And a flood of peace came to me just like that.

I am NOT a strong person. I complain a lot. I take detours when no one is looking. I try and fail many many many many times. I make myself look good (theoretically) because I am afraid of flaws I know are in me. At the same time, i hate people who are like me.

And yet, when I am down in a deep slump like this, I get surrounded and warmed by the most wonderful, selfless people. When I was in the Philippines, Baby and Nanay and Aaron took turns putting ointments and oils on my skin. Tatay brought me to places to seek help and healing. Ebon checked on me all the time and made sure every new utterances of my "pamangkin" reaches me immediately just to cheer me up. My titas came to pray over me and offer me their concern and blessings. Here in Singapore, Jheng and Elise and Chello kept up with my whining, my shedding skin that is messing up the house and my inability to contribute to household work. Elise and Bulen took turns cooking suitable meals and putting my oil and ointments no matter how ugly my skin turns out.

There is no lack of grace...there is no lack of love. God is alive, present and wise. He allows my family and friends to etch their love deeper in my heart so that I would always remember to thank them and love them. I think He allows me to suffer to make my life simple. Simple that is...void of all my pursuits, life goes on as it would, as it should.

Baby told me once.."things will find its way to you when you need them already." Indeed.