Apo

Today is My APos birthday.

Apo is my grandmama. She is the pillar of my childhood and she will forever be as influential in my life given that she raised five daughters who, till now, stays true to her every principle. Her impact in my life could never be undermined.

My Apo moved with us when I was born. She has her own house and she could have chosen to live there. But instead she chose to stay with her youngest daughter and take care of us. I grew up knowing that my Apo could be a terror. Her rage could be shown in a variety of ways ranging from something downright banal as a silent treatment all the way to absolutely funny like a spear chase ....ha ha ha. I could still see her chasing my brother with a knife just because we lost ourselves playing millionaire's game with neighbors ... and you know how long that game could get. Does it actually end? I think not.

Anyway, back to my Apo... despite having said that, I also know that she has a very soft spot for her apos... I'd dare say especially her apos from my mom- meaning us. I'd even go bolder to say , especially me.

I love my Apo and to this very day, I can feel her love for me. I can still smell her and wish that tonight I'd sleep in her arms. I always find myself asking her, when I visit her grave, to look at me and tell me if she likes what she sees. I always end up asking her if this is the Check she hoped to raise.

But I guess she never knew what she wanted me to be. Unlike my mother, I could not remember my lola making me feel like she expected me to be somebody. In fact, at times i'd fidget at the thought that now, she can see all my escapades, the things that I'd rather keep hidden. But I am almost sure she'd like what she sees in me whatever that is. Because all she sees is the girl that she loves. It is not about me. It is all about the love she has for me.

Apo, wherever you are... I thank you. I love you. I will look forward to the day I can again sniff your fragrance while you envelope me with your warm hug. I know I'd hear a few words, even a lecture...but as for now, it almost seems joyful to hear you give me a rap on the knuckles. I need it anyway ... although I would never(?)admit.